The Only ♥

♥ deep thoughts ♥

2011-11-01T00:59:00.000+08:00

Ever since when I started to doubt myself as much as I do right now.

Ever since when the confidence level in myself are declining like a meteor.

Ever since when I sucks in everything.

Ever since when..

Not to say that I am a very smart person, but at least I do work hard and put in effort.

Not to say I am a very lucky person, but at least I am always blessed.

Not to say that I am good in everything, but at least I have my own stand in some place that I think I deserved/

Not to say..

What happened to me recently?

ya right, I sucks. my current result told me so.

ya right, I’m actually not as good as I think I am.

ya right, I cant actually handle things well as I think I could.

ya right, I might be too greedy and I sucks at multitasking.

ya right, I suck in handling my emotion. Now you see me with an emo face and sad look straight striking onto ur face.

Eventhough I keep telling myself, joining activities are not the reason why my result sucks, but , well, this is not very persuasive though.

I thought I can be better, I thought if I took a break, pressed a pause button, then I should be doing better.

But I aint anywhere near better.

Am I putting a too high expectation for myself that it is too high I cant reach?

or am I overestimating my own ability in handling everything?

ya right,

at the end of the day,

I still sucks.

after all,

I’m still stepping right at the same place,

doesn’t even make a move,

not that I doesn’t bother, but,

I just

sucks like that.

Back for good

2011-10-01T01:59:00.001+08:00

Was having a tough and hard time in my previous week.

Loaded with works, felt sick, getting emo with myself, showing bad-temper to people around.

Now, happy to announce, the Pause button do work on me.

I don’t dare to say that Im doing real fine and good,

Meanwhile, I do know how to adjust my time and work better on every single things in hand.

Things get less annoyed now.

Have been a busy week that loaded with all endless sticky notes.

Yes, as I said, I get frustrated when all the things in hand are not under control.

And now, I learn to do things by priority.

By priority it means result and academic come first.

And my self-emotion come second.

I cant do things and involve with any responsibility if my emotion is in a huge mess.

yah, iknow, everything is written on my face.

Even though I’m still not good in everything, but I start to think more positively now.

When I learn to let go, things getting easier.

When I learn to accept the fact that there are things that I cant do , and I actually do need help, by then end of the day, I’m doing good.

Somehow, I do not expect myself to be real good all time, but I hope I am a better controller now.

Still feeling sick, still feeling stress, still loaded with works, but I learned to me a better adjuster.

I understands that life goes ups and downs, but is okay, I have all of you.

I understands that I cant satisfy myself and everyone all time, but is okay, I learn to adjust my self-expectation.

I learned to be less greedy

I learned that there are time I need to let go.

I learned that I’m not alone. *heart you*

I learned to reject and say ‘NO’ when it reached my limits.

All time, I’m always blessed to have all these kind of awesome people who bared with me, be my all time listener and my all time backbones.

I heart every of you, deep from my heart.

Thanks for making my life a wonderful one.

Yes, life is too short to be boring.

Now, things are getting tougher, life are getting busier, and proudly to say, I’m doing better,

The Pause Button

2011-09-28T00:55:00.000+08:00

yes, I hate to say it, but I have to press the pause button.

I know the beginning is always the hardest, I don’t wanna give up.

Probably you guys are right, when you said I need to let go for temporarily, when I cant bear with my emotion and cope with things well anymore.

It takes me so long and I hesitated for such a long time.

I feel grateful all time.

I’m blessed.

I always have someone to bear with me.

I always have good listener by my side.

Him, my family and friends.

But somehow to some extend, I start to pull back of what I have in my life now.

I know, I know, be grateful. Yes, I am.

That’s why I always work hard.

Now I need to learn, not trying too hard on everything.

There are things that I can’t do.

There are things that I need help

I don’t hate my life. I love my life a lot.

Just that,

I’m overloaded, and I’m burst.

I hate to admit, but I have to push this boundary so hard as all these already reached my limits.

I hate to admit, I feel guilty to take off myself from all these things that I love to do.

I hate to admit, I feel useless when I dropped my 4 days new camera on the floor and is all scratches now.

I hate to admit, I feel tired when I seemed to have endless works to do.

I hate to admit, I feel stupid when I cant settled and finished my assignment by myself, on time.

I hate to admit, I feel lost when the lecturer is teaching and I hear nothing and understand nothing.

I hate to admit, I feel sick when I’m getting busier.

I hate to admit, I love every bit of what I’m doing but I have to let go.

I hate to admit, I lost my focus.

I think about activities when I look through my slides,

I dreamed about homework when I sleep.

I sat there for hours and I did nothing coz my mind goes blank.

I woke up with a heavy mind.

I sleep with an emotional mood.

I woke up without smiles.

I sleep with tears.

I’m not a pampered kid, I worked hard for what I want.

But, sometimes,

I know I’m not the only one,

I know I don’t have the rights to complain,

I know is my responsibility,

But, now is the time.

I need to learn, to let go.

Don’t ask me, I don’t know why.

I just don’t feel like involving in so many things anymore.

It always has been a difficult choice for me, this is never a easy one.

Sorry for all the troubles,

Sorry for all the inconvenience,

Sorry to make you feel disappointed.

I used to be very proud of myself, I can be a multi-tasker,now I am not.

I used to be very confident about myself, I can be a very talkative person, But I talked less nowadays.

I used to catch things up fast, I understand what my lecturer teached, But now my minds goes all blank.

Maybe, I’m not as good as I think I do.

Maybe, I cant do as well as you people expected on me.

Maybe, I’m not smart after all.

Maybe, I overestimated my ability.

Maybe, I cant really handle my emotion well.

Maybe, I’m not good in handling all these pressures.

Maybe, I’m not that good in managing my time.

And Maybe, I just need a little more time.

I follow my instinct, I follow my heart.

Hopefully, by the end of the day, I am still the happy me.

a lil here and there ♥

2011-09-18T15:04:00.001+08:00

hey people!

it has been sometimes since I blogged.

holidays ended.

Back to normal school life.

Enjoying every bit of the happy and busy moments.

Still feeling blessed for everything.

What has been up lately?

dyed the hair for second time.

perm and curled the hair too.

learn to become a more organized and pretty person by taking good care of myself.

try not to sleep too late, proper diet, and exercise.

learn to pamper yourself.

learn to make up and dress up properly.

and,

went Port Dickson

joined Mandarin Debate Club Committee Camp and have fun at Port Dickson.

came back almost one month earlier to prepare bazaar for Mandarin Debate Club.

always feeling awesome to make friends with this kinda people.

♥Never judge, and just be yourself.♥

The day of Bazaar

we influenced each other by sending positive energy to each other.

went Book Fair held in KLCC.

spent around RM 100 just for books.

♥ Its okay, in order to be pretty, you need to be smart too.♥

So, learn to read more books.

and start spent around RM150 just for a craft punch set that Ive been craving for long.

went Gold Coast and had Barbeque.

♥ awesome people. crazy things. happy life. ♥

changed a brand new set of facial products, and it is smurfly good.

♥ loving every bit of it.♥

Still hearts Hello kitty a lot.

and other cute pink stuffs.

in ♥ with manicure. still not good at it, but trying the very best to learn.

start to learn how to do business with friend by selling contact lenses and other related accessories.

can find us at Eye Yo Yo on Facebook.

got a instax from my mom because she didn’t use it that often.

still havent got the film yet so now this is still a abandoned temporary useless toy.

watched The Smurfs and totally in smurf with it.

Start collecting all these cute toys from Happy Meal.

The Smurfs is so smurfly adorable ♥

left 4 more to a whole collections.

even got some plastic boxes from Daiso for them.

still got no idea how to decorate and place them nicely.

will do it soon.

♥

spent time decorating the room notice board with all my craft punch set and enjoy doing it.

full with ♥

pictures of friends, family, and love.

getting more organized with stuffs.

as said, still smurfly in love with pink stuffs.

still craving for nice food all time.

still loves shopping a lot.

and learn to have better self control now.

and lastly,

still in love with him.

that’s all for now.

♥ xoxo ♥

Working @ PC Fair

2011-07-18T13:30:00.001+08:00

okay be warned this post kinda boring and stupid and no nice picture lah.

I’m just bored of being boring so I try out writing something boring okay wtf this is soo stupid.

I’ve been spending most of my time at home or hanging out with the girls or lying on my bed all time so my mom ‘s friend asked me whether I’m interested to work as a part time promoter since she urgently need one.

So yah. I thought okay loh since I so free imma give it a try.

okay picture 1st.

okay I know right I’m lousy coz it has been past two weeks now only I blog about it,

The booth.

selling all sort of laptop related accessories.

Cordless mouse, cordless headsets, headsets, mouses, speakers, keyboards, so yah,basically.

I tell myself, aiya, Kuantan Pc Fair not like KL one so actually I don’t really need to dress up nice and put on make up lah right coz I’m so lazy to put on make up with my lousy make up skills I cant last for 10 hours or more.

but then, super wtf all these girls put on heavy make up and somemore all so pretty and younger than me one.

I went to work with messy hair and mascara only.

T_T *worst decision ever*

aih fml max by the time I realized. T_T

see.

so young and tall and pretty aih. *crying at the corner

and I have to bring my phone charger and MP3 so that I can let customers try on with the earphones/headsets/speakers.

*finally I’m useful wtf*

spot me!! serving customer with speaker

on the second day there is a mission in the mall where a group on people involved in Anti_lynas will came over.

So we are required to changed into the T-shirt too.

But our supervisor she chickened out when she saw lotsa police around she scare the police thought we are involved in it and catched us back to the lokap so we changed back ahah.

so I senyap-senyap and curi-curi took a picture in the toilet wtf, haha

last day I tied myself a bun and pinned up my side bangs thinking that it is the last day so we have to clear stock and move things so tidier hair will be easier but I tell u hell no lor others still being so vain and nice make up.. #phailed max

okay can scroll down coz I looked ugly why cant I born as a prettier person aih.

okay last two group photos.

still the ugliest among all. I wanna go emo kthxbai.

Bersih 2.0

2011-07-10T00:54:00.001+08:00

如果你不懂，我给你解释。

B erita yang jujur & benar
E konomi yang lebih baik
R asuah Dihapuskan
S osial problem dikurangkan
I ntegriti ditegaskan
H ati sejiwa, Satu Malaysia

我不懂，为什么当事情发生的时候，有些人将矛头指向勇敢站在前线的人？因为我们的政府设路障，他们被怪罪，因为我们的政府封路，他们被怪罪。

这，是人民的错吗？不是。

我们该醒了。这样的制度，是不是我们要的？

这个国家，到底还是不是民主的？我们知道，不是。

在我们的首相高喊Malaysia Boleh 的时候，我们的国家正在面临宣布破产的危机。

在我们还傻傻天真的以为我们的票可以改变国家的命运是，我们发现，

真相是，

在1969年全国大选中，国阵只取得50%选票，却获得66%的席位！

在1978年全国大选中，国阵只取得57%选票，却获得84%的席位！

在2004年全国大选中，国阵只取得64%选票，却获得91%的席位！

以2004年大选为例，1张投給国阵的选票等于3张投給行动党的选票，或者7张回教党的选票，或者28张公正党的选票。

这证明了什么？

公平的选举？

所以，我们要有干净与公平的选举！！

为什么当人民走上街头，告诉政府人民到底想要什么的时候，我们会落的如此下场？

如果人民要搞暴乱，需不需要选个日期再告诉政府？根本就是脱裤子放屁，多此一举~

所以我们并没有要捣乱，我们用我们的行动，告诉政府，我们要一个干净和公平的制度

结果咧？

政府把人民怎么样了？

709 对今天的马来西亚而言，是一个历史性的一刻。

我没有办法去，但是我想用我的部落，和你们分享，我们知道，你们的牺牲。

如果你去了，我给你致敬。

你们都很棒！

先看照片~

为什么这些手无寸铁，为人民喊出心声的人要被捉？我们不懂。

为什么我们的警察在帮贪污腐败的政府打压人民？而不是为人民出力？我们不懂。

这些催泪弹，镇暴队，对付的是，那些勇于站在前线的你们。

为了我们国家的未来，人民不带任何武器，走上街头，而遭到打压，这样的坚持，错了吗？我们不懂。

就连老公公也参与了，你醒了吗？

这样的画面，你心酸了吗？

为什么我们会沦落成这种地步？

这样的政府，你还想要吗？

这段是我在facebook抄过来的~

“看到黃色集會事件，有人一直罵，語帶悲觀的問：這樣的國家，這樣的政府，我們還有希望嗎？──但我想，不應該這樣看，應該轉過去看：「這樣勇敢的人民，我們不正是充滿希望嗎？」──當你在看著現場照片時，不要只是看到官方人員的無理，也要看看那些醒覺過來的人民！ (毓林)&悦读书房”

因为你们，我们的国家，还有希望。

如果你醒觉了，来届大选，用行动证明，你爱你的国家。

我爱我的马来西亚。

我想要一个美好的马来西亚。

我想你也是。

加油吧，共同建造，属于我们的马来西亚。

Colmar Tropicale

2011-07-05T17:46:00.001+08:00

Okay time to talk about another travel trip.

This time was an easy and short one.

Paid a visit to Colmar Tropicale with the parents the other day.

Let’s pictures do all the talking.

Its kinda breath taking and chill-relaxing over there.

You people should go and pay a visit~

hello people is me! at the entrance of the street~

okay I know em getting chubbier * I need to eat less and exercise more geddit geddit*

the mom and I, with the matching Longchamps ♥

she’s my all time backbones. the understanding but sometimes demanding and unreasonable one. heh!

of all what she had gone through all this life for us, she deserved respect, a lot. ♥ ♥

view from the top. lovely swans

along the street, we are in France Cheat One.

transformer man in the hotel lobby wtf. *no pun intended*

more picturesss!

I grow up realizing that it is never an easy thing to let this family grow strong, and bonded like this. With all the ups and downs, fights and good times we spent together, after all, I’m blessed.

I’ve never afraid or being embarrassed to tell that my parents get divorced when I was young and they get back along together to give us what we called a family in whole.

No matter what we’re having, we go through it together, as a family.

and the one brother, the one indulge me, bear with me, protect me, love me like no body will ever do.

The brother who cares about me more than anything,

I used to tell myself, that one day, I wanna get a boyfriend like him.

Caring, understanding, responsible and most importantly, very good temper.

the lovely couple that lasted for like 5 years already, and more to come.

never an easy thing to manage a relationship. u need patience and lotsa love.

at the wish bell with the brother’ girlfriend.

so we reached Japan Cheat One/

this is some sort of hot spring thingie

and a windy hair look infront of the tea house, They have kimono inside.

U can just rent and they will help you to wear it on and u can have tea and snap pictures inside,

Too kiamsiap to try it on coz it costed like rm20-30 I forgotten,

Alright last picture of the day

OMG I loooked so pale without make up.

by then, see you soon.

Stay tuned gonna blog about working at PC Fair soon~

by soon I mean tonight or tomorrow or maybe ages (cheat One)

♥ ♥ ♥

Kuching Part V

2011-06-27T23:10:00.001+08:00

hey people! The last day of Kuching.

here we go.

It was the same day where they started off with the teacher’s day exhibition at Waterfront so we spent half our day there.

and the reason why we were heading to Waterfront is to shoooooopp for souvenirs.!

okay what I bought?

we have been going forth and back just to check and bargain the best price to buy stuffs for all you people!

keychains-> checked.

(for coursemates, debate friends, and other friends way back in hometown)

okay I shopped cheap because I’m limited to budgets

wait till I damn rich some day I buy you guys gold keys with diamonds wtf*no pun intended* *dreamy*

Manik purse-> checked

the left one bought together with Joanne, each of us taking one.

the right one reserved for mummy, kaima, and her close friends.

(u know u have to work smart when your mom gave u pocket money when you go travelled)

manik pen case-> checked

handmade wear-0n-hand thing RM 5 for twos –>checked

(for myself)

black/white pepper –> checked

(home use, and friends asked me to buy for them)

manik belt->checked

(for mom and I)

I wanna go back and try this out one day!

yah I know I’m loooking tanner and tanner each day,

why on the earth that people actually grow prettier but I grow uglier?

*sad*

u see the pictures I took?

okay I tell u my mates are damn annoyed at me coz they so lazy to help me snap pictures.

because everytime I reached a new place, I’ll screamed and said, I want take picture! HERE! *point to the place* and posed and wait. hahahahhahaah

okay this is purposely taken coz there is one cute angmoh behind.

she’s cute!

greater poser than I do!

exhibition next!

see, this i s what happened when u hang out with microbes girls~

and proceeded to the nearby cat statue to have a look

seriously, Kuching got lotsa cats statue!

All around the city! No jOke!

hello meowsss!

hello me! wtf

and Uncle Ch’ng damn nice he bought us to Serikin Market which is very famous for their clothes in batik.

which is around 2 hours driving distance *touched*

and very near to the border of Indonesia

here we are!

clothes everywhere!

and guitar!

and real insects specimen with key chains!

and blood sucking insects!

and this tasting good pulut in periuk kera~

so we have come to the end~

If you have a chance, do pay a visit!

Kuching is a nice place to go!

Cheers,

♥ ♥ ♥

Kuching Part IV

2011-06-24T23:37:00.001+08:00

hey people! I guess this kinda blogging process is good because I’m chilling.

Time to proceed for the next after Day 4.

nothing much on Day Five.

Since Joanne’s Parents were busy, so we decided that we’re going to do some bakery.

First bakery in my life!

I used to remembered when I was a kid my mom used to bake a lot.

She is a great cooker, she cooked us nice food, she baked pizza, she do homemade-pao, she do homemade-fishballs, she do so many more.

Things has changed now!

But no matter what, she stills have me, all time

she deserves all the loves and cares of what she had gone through this years.

If one of the reason why I wanna work hard for my future, is to make her proud of me, as a kind of human being that she brought up.

ingredients!

we have: green apples, self-raising flour, normal wheat flour, brown sugar, cinnamons, and butter,

and ready to go!

apple crumbles!

peel off the skins!

cut into slices!

put on cinnamons and brown sugars and stir with the apples!

mix in the two flours and put in butter which already cut in slices earlier.

mix well!

here u go!

place the apples and arranger it nicely in a bakery-thingy-i-dunno-what-it-called

put in to the oven to cook the apple

took it off after sometime

put on the butter-mixed-flour on it until its full.

put in the oven and bake for 15-20 minutes.

here u go!. doesn’t look really good. but it does taste good especially with ice cream!

and here go food-of-the-day picture

and flower of the day

very beautiful

and me of the day

with my hello kitty ride wtf* pretend to be a kid*

\okay I didn’t really went on a ride, err, just, sit and take a pic.

and kids of the day.

ugh. Joanne’s cousins are so cute!

cannot out-cute them. too cute to resist.

heart-melted all the way each time they spoke to you,

somemore know how to pose/hold a camera to take picture one!

aih. I miss them already!

okay I guess that’s it. will proceed to the last part by the end of this weeks.

Meanwhile, have fun with your weekends.

Cheers

♥ ♥ ♥

Kuching Part III

2011-06-20T23:32:00.001+08:00

Okay After Long House,National park, and beach, we proceed to our next stop.

Which is the forth day of the trip.

What come next?

Museum and Orchid Garden.

Ohya before I proceed, I wanna ask something,

why on the earth that Kuching have so many roundabouts and so many cat statues??

damn a lot ~

before that, fooooddddd

all these explained why I need diet now.

this is, err, just breakfast.

First Stop, the Cat museum.

Its free per entry , but err, need to pay if you wanna bring in gadgets for taking pictures.

For example, Camera for RM5. Handphone for RM 3, and a Handicam for RM6.

say hi to Muzium Kucing.

AT the front door.

doing stupid stuffs once in a blue moon, where when I grow old, I wanna tell my grandchildren about it.

this looked so real I cant tell whether it is a real or fake cat at the beginning.

spot me~

this brings back a lil bit of the childhood memories

cats in the cave

say hi to the cat burglar, HI!

and say Hi to Mr Mascot!

and hi Mrs Housemaid Cattie

now I know why a Catwalk is Cat Walk.

more cats pictures hanged on the wall.

(we are in strips coincidently~ great minds think alike <33333)

The cat from the catCIty

The cats’ grave

Garfield and Hello kitty are both cats too!

Why oh why this appear here in the Cat Museum?

*scratch head*

more cats.

view from the outside of the museum.

pretty awesome

Next Stop:

The Orchid Garden

I remembered there used to be an advertisement sounded like, “flower.” “No,Orchid larrrrr!”

something like that.

here you go, orchid

and more self-camwhore-buay-paiseh-vain picture.

and headed to The Spring, I;ve been told th

at The Spring is one of the biggest Mall in Kuching city, is that so?

heading for the movie Fast Five and more Iglool.

proceed to the ChengHo Garden(okay I googled and searched out the name)

which is located at Jalan Song

here you go~

and proceeded to the Home Care pet shop nearby which Joanne and the family usually went.

and having snake on my neck and sliding all over me for the first time in my life.

Look at this girl, she’s insane.

okay I know lah, by the time you see my picture, you’ll go like:'”cheh~ so small size!” wtf I tell you no matter how big or small it is, is is still a snake okay! SNAKE!

my turn,

so different okay.,

she damn steady can!

so here you go, that’s the end of day four.

Stay tuned!

Kuching Part II

2011-06-19T00:26:00.001+08:00

okay not that I’ve super duper lazy or what’s ever it is, I’ve been abandoned my blog for awhile.

And another Kuching post took me ages which the trip is like one month ago.

I’m a pretty good procrastinator thou, huh?

Let’s proceed and see whats going on after the first two days with long house and Iglool.

In case you people forgot how I look, here’s the camwhore picture comes first.

and more fooooooooooodddddddd

food is ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

#breakfast

*clockwise from left:

barley, laksa mee, curry mee, and 3 layered tea

#lunch

*clockwise from left: creamy prawn, GongPou chicken, Sambal belacan milin, and steamed fish.

#dinner

mozarella cheese pizza, and pepperoni.

argh, pizza is so addicting~ or more precisely cheeses are.

Next, tourist spot.

#FirstStop: Gunung Gading National Park

our first plan was to go and seek for Rafflesia, but we ended up seeing the on-the-way growing up Rafflesia.

err, like this,

which we zoomed 13874495 to get a blurry picture #phailmax

and seeing some nature which I dont normally gotta chance to see it,

and also took some really nice picture with the nature.

which my two girlfriend damn layan me and took for me and going to be mad and annoyed by me LOL

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

which totally made my day. argh i missed them, alot ♥ ♥ ♥

scenery damn nice and damn chilling over there.

yah okay i was cheating with all the pictures above because i dont climb a gunung without my specs wtf.

so yah, from left, your truly, Joanne, Vanessa.

"Life is like a path, keep going and never look back"

#SecondStop: Siar Beach

more camwhore

and moooooore!!

this is the most favourite picture ever!

and moree!!!

That’s the end of this post, more updates coming up, soon!

Kuching Part 1

2011-06-02T23:40:00.001+08:00

Have been abandoned the blog for too long

finally have some mood to write about the trip.

When you go for a trip, what comes first in your mind?

The budgets? The place you gonna visit? Or the companions?

Which one?

I’ll say, the companion comes first.

Of all ups and down I had in the past year, I’m having a better year now.

With great people aside, they always reminded me how grateful and blissful I am

Let’s move on.

Wanna talk bout the Kuching Trip this time

(ugh, Just remembered that I’m not even done with my Guangzhou trip last year. just forget bout it)

DAY 1

Boarding with excitement

(or more too nervous when we thought that we are going to miss the flight. NO NEXT TIME *heart-attacked can die*)

touched down to the Kuching International Airport and being welcomed by Joanne’s Dad which is one of the nicest Uncle I ever met.

He is the one who took one week leave just to bring us around *touched*

Food comes first no matter what when it comes to travel. No food,No Life. LOL.

Ate the most common/famous/well-known KOLO Mee in Kuching as the first meal.

Taste damn nice and I miss it already.

You can have it like, anywhere, anytime, over there.

As I said, Common.

And having the most delicious snow ice I ever had in my life.

NO JOKE. I’m not exaggerating. THIS IS DAMN NICE WHY THEY DON’T HAVE IT HERE ???

WHY OH WHY??

SNOW ICE!

order with machine one damn canggih I tell you.

DAMN NICE UGH *craving for it*

got kid area some more damn cute~

proceeded to Waterfront for a night walk

(which reminded me I need a new camera *sad*)

DAY 2

Day 2 is the most busy and fun day for the entire trip.

with great companion, your trip goes better. ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

First stop of the day:

Benuk Long House Home Stay

Bamboo bridge that take off all my courage to cross it wtf I’m always the slowest and left behind. *grumpy*

What you expected in a long house?
SKULLS!

and some I-dunno-whats-the-name-history-long thingy *tourism fail*

ohya, TUAK,

the homemade alcohol, damn nice and sweet

and camwhore. LOL

Next Stop:

Another Long House

Anna Rais Long House Home Stay

What you have in Long House??
MORE SKULLLLSSSS!!

and more TUAK~~~

and more bamboo bridge wtf.

and also more camwhore. *shameless*

at first they damn layan me after that they get so bored of me keep asking them to snap picture of me haha~!

Anna Rais Hot Spring

a very nice place to chill and relax yourself after all the busy work.

very breathtaking.

okay damn lazy already I’ll proceed next time.

The Lynas

2011-05-26T14:53:00.001+08:00

havent been blogging for ages.

First comes into the mind about what to blog is the Kuching trip and some real life experience.

But, today, I wanna proceed with something more serious.

Thanks but no Thanks to Lynas Project, we, here , Kuantanese have been lack of water for three consequence day.

All this while I’ve been hearing so many about this and when I still having my studies way back in KL, I don’t realized how much it will affect us.

But when I’m back for holiday, yet, I realized.

How serious this could be.

You can always check out this Facebook Group to see what’s going on around when all the people are trying to defend their very best over our hometown while the government don’t event give a shit about it WTF.

Sorry to be frank, but I see no ways that this project can be stop.

Of all the hard work that all kind-hearted people did, the stupid government didn’t even give a damn on it WTF.

or some Blog that mentioned how big their mission is.

or some local newpaper Sin Chew that reported on how people willing to give up their job and start thing all over again just to get out of this mess.

yes, I call this a mess, and it is. A HUGE MESS WTF.

can I call all these people in charge stupid!??

or they are too money-minded they never think rationally coz they saw whole stack of cash in front of them WTF.

What our country are going to be in the future?

Here we go a Facebook Notes to let us know and clear about whats the situation now.

Do we need to remind you people how beautiful this place is??

Are we still gonna have this kinda breathtaking and beautiful view?

Do people still have mood for it when life is in danger?

Do we need to remind you how serious this will affect us?

The future of our children? The future of our country?

What will it be??

Are we going to be like them?

WAKE UP NOW PEOPLE!!

HAVE YOUR FAITH IN YOUR HAND!!

Abraham Lincoln once said

“Government of the people, by the people, for the people”

If there is an election in this coming July, Sorry, You don’t get a vote from us.

and PEOPLE, vote for the right one!

Sorry if I sound so irritating or annoying, this is just a plain opinion of a silly girl.

No offense to any politic party.

♥给你的话♥

2011-04-04T14:17:00.006+08:00

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忙碌。快乐

2011-04-02T01:22:00.001+08:00

有时候我在想，我是真的很忙，还是自己拿来忙？

我的coursemate 讲我，妈的！又没有人叫你参加这么多活动！

别人问，真的那么喜欢参加活动吗？有什么好玩？

我答：是人，而不是活动本身。

当然一个活动的本质和内容很重要，但是，人，才是我继续的理由。

是因为有你们，我的生活才会多姿多彩。

是因为有你们，我的人生才会起起落落。

是因为有你们，我的生涯才会酸甜苦辣。

其实，对我而言，一个活动真正好玩的地方，不是在于活动本身，而是那堆筹备的人，还有那些令你永远都无法忘记的筹备过程。

那种，互相扶持，互相关心，彼此努力，为了达到共同目标的感觉。

那种，无助，濒临放弃；希望，坚持下去，为了筹备成功的理由。

有时候我在想，到底是我真的有永远忙不完的事，还是我的时间管理有问题？所以我无法空闲下来？

还是我是一个多愁善感的人，让自己忙起来，至少，我会胡思乱想的几率比较低。

我从来不介意花掉我的睡眠时间，仅仅为了完成一件事。

我从来不计较我所做的事情有多少，至少我认为，我做的，我学到了什么。

我从来就不是一个得天独厚的人，我没有特别的运气，我没有特别的眷顾和怜悯。

所以我知道，我要做到一件事，我一定要付出代价和努力。

就算结果不如我想象的，至少，我可以得到我预期满足。

就算事情不如我预期的，至少，我可以从中学习到某些。

如果我必须把忙碌和快乐画上等号，我希望我可以拥有两者。

忙碌可以很快乐。至少我是这么认为。

忙碌是我成长的过程。

我的忙碌，见证了我的成长。

如果忙碌会是我迅速成长的代价，那我很愿意。

但是如果我所有的忙碌会让我喘不过气，我会放弃。

如果这些大大小小的活动会让我最原本，最想保留的自己变质了，那我会离开。

算我贪心好了，希望我不需要走到放弃的地步。

各个大大小小的活动，我都想参与。

有时候我在想，是我高估了我可以负荷压力的能力，还是我真的对我自己所做的一切这么的有信心？

我真的做得到吗？

外表的嘻嘻哈哈，有时候，并不能完全的反映我内心的全部。

希望我真的不需要走到取舍的起步。

欢笑里的感动

2011-03-30T23:59:00.001+08:00

我把我的部落格搁置了很久很久。课业上的忙碌，活动上的筹备，我都还算忙得过来，就是没有机会翻新一下我的部落格。

搁置了想写的广州之旅，搁置了我的心路历程，搁置了所有大大小小我想写的。

今天想写的是，关于一个令我意想不到的意外和感动。

今天去了博辩的最后一次例常，但是也是我第一次去。

我从来不知道，原来，可以有一个地方，让我可以完完全全的做自己；

在这里，我可以尽情欢笑；

在这里，我可以打打闹闹；

在这里，我可以很诚实直接的说话；

在这里，竟然有人赞我可爱（暗爽）；

在这里，我感觉到温暖的气息；

在这里，没有虚假，没有争议；

在这里，只有单纯，只有快乐；

这里，有家的感觉。

简单，原来可以很快乐。

快乐，原来可以很简单。

从来不懂，为什么你们这么热爱它，今天，我懂了。

在这里所有的欢笑，是要用多少努力换来的；

在这里所有的快乐，是要用多少坚持换来的；

在这里所有的成长，是要用多少时间历练的。

在这里的每一次欢笑，是因为有你们；

在这里的每一次感动，是因为有你们；

在这里的人，可以不计形象，带来欢乐。

这些欢笑声，是最直接，最深刻的。

在这里的人，所做的一切，都会让人不经意的感动。

这些不经意的感动，会让我，牢牢的记住。

因为有你们，所以一切都很美好。

Guangzhou trip–Day 01

2011-03-12T00:22:00.001+08:00

Okay I know this has been ages. But nevermind. as I like.

Went all the way from home to KL in the midnight so that we can reach KLIA on time.

Took like 4-5 hours flight and finally touched down to Guangzhou airport.

*in the flight* okay bad influence never take pic in the aeroplane coz’ it is not allowed.

I used to be fairer two months ago and now I’m tanned like ~~shyts~~ an Indian. *sob max*

Right after that, transferred to Shenzhen.

which took us for another 3125743955 hours.

and prepare for dinner.Seriously, the whole trip food is just so-so.Arh*dun blame*

okay no pic for dinner coz it just doesn’t taste as nice as its appearance.

don’t want cheat people with lousy pictures.

Checked in for the hotel.And imma had a good rest coz’ its long day ahead tmr.

as mentioned, wrapped myself up due to the superb duperb freaking cold weather that I can freeze and die. *touch-wood*

Okay now proceed.

Day 1

26.12.10

Schedule : Shenzhen Mineral Musuem => Zhongshan Park =>Transfer to Zhuhai =>Lover’s Road => Statue of Fishing Lady =>Shijingshen Park

深圳地矿博物馆 =〉参观中山公园 =〉前往珠海 =〉茗茶=〉宝树堂=〉参观情侣路 =〉渔女神像 =〉石景山公园

Destination 1 : 深圳地矿博物馆

this is the place where i saw so many old people doing early morning exercise such as taichi and some slow dance. very breathtaking. ♥

And during the time that I went there, they havent took off the decorations for the Guangzhou 2010 Asian Games.

and this is some sort of partnership things. i like the logo ♥

a snap shot infront of the Enter door.

Destination 2 : 中山公园

Shun Zhong Shan. I think he is like one of the most famous guy. Is a if-you-are-a-china-citizen-then-you-have-to-know-him kind of legend person.

okay this is superb cute. recycle bin in three kinds of pose of the Mr.Panda.

All the scene shots.

From upper left : ancient bell, random small garden, ancient bell again,

Lower left: ancient statue, ancient old trees1&2.

Destination 3:茗茶,宝树堂

Destination 4: 参观情侣路, 渔女神像

Destination 5: 石景山公园

okay so lazy to caption every single photos. so basically, it is awesome and fantabulous and totally worth visiting except for the food that made me bored. *aint shall not complain*

Okay shall stay tuned for day 02. Which might take me another ages. or hopefully not too late.

♥

it has been ages

2011-03-03T09:33:00.001+08:00

I guessed it has bee ages since I blog. But, today,randomly, I just feel like writing,again.

It has been ages, seriously.

for ages, maybe I mean it as 5 months or more.

Let see, what’s going on in these past few months.

*bear with the low quality pictures*

I'm just gonna do a short review of all and might reveal all the happenings in next post one by one. Anyhow, its depends on mood.

November.

20th Birthday

celebrated my 20th birthday at the last day of the final exam. I’m so glad that people around still bearing with me, planning for my birthday when I thought people around might not do so. *touched+surprised*

And once again, I’m sorry and also being thankful for every single thing that happened.

I hoped that I learned, and I gained lesson.

For everything that happened today, it made me a better person tomorrow.

After all, I’m blissful.Today, things doesn’t turn bad, at least.

Getting into a relationship.

Which is totally out of my expectation.Well, true love comes when you least expected it. And so how it goes, I guess.And for the moment being, so far so good.

My truly and The Only ♥

The special and the precious one.

So odd to bumped into one during holiday.But somehow,

I’m so glad that I have someone like this, to share all the joy and pain, and by my side when I need to go through all the hardships and challenges that dragged me down.

After all, I’m gifted. And with tonnes of ♥ that I gained each day, I grow and become a happier person. With you, I know I can become a better person. With all you gave, I couldn’t ask for more except being blissful. Thanks for being The One Only ♥

December

Traveled to overseas for the 1st time in my life.

Got a chance to tag along with my mum for a 8D7N trip to several places near Guangzhou.

got myself wrapped up due to the crazy 17 degree celcius each day.

bumped into some real ancient tourist spot and also managed to visit like 23163484 spots which I really wanna elaborate more later on.

also see the beautiful sunset at the top of some building.

also get to visit a historical temple.

and also climbed like 13688404 staircase for 3684 floors just to get to the top and snap the pic.

wrapped myself thicker and thicker from 2 layers to 4-5 ~~wtf.~~

and take a cruise to see the night scenery with colourful neon light of the bridges.

From left: mummy, lovely mum’s friend.

Without her, we wouldn’t be that far.

the most fantabulous awesome thing is to have these two sweetheart to be with me all the way as a journey.

Most important one, my all time backbone. My Mummy. ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Apart from all that shown, I have 36294432 picsss to show.

Next post maybe.

dyed my hair color for the first time in my life

its getting worst now. but its okay I’ll throw in a second try next sem break. or sooner.

January

Take swimming class for this semester.also 1st time in my life.

getting darker and darker each day but still sucks at swimming, Nevermind, I’ll practice harder and harder and I’ll be better. *self-persuasive*

Wore a Sarawakian traditional dress code 1st time in my life.

get involved the college activities where I wore some traditional dress code 1st time in my life.It’s so freaking hot and thick and so-not-me.

February

celebrated a CNY with a no-CNY-mood 1st time in my life.

Apart from reunion dinner, what I had was biscuits and fire crackers.

No friends gathering, no poker cards, no gambling, no mahjong, and less angpau.

Getting prepared for Test 1 with a half holiday mood but still ended up doing badly in Test1 #epicphail

oh.no. for once.

gathering with bunch of primary school mates where I haven’t meet for 8-9 years.

Had my first Valentine ever in my life.

still, being blissful for every single thing that you did, And thanks for making me in ♥ with you deeper and deeper each day.

After all, there is someone, out there, made me feel that, I worth a thing, or maybe more than that.

played pool/snooker for the 1st time in my life.

never ever know that this can be so much fun.and it is. me likey.♥ ♥ ♥

Went Asian Sport Village and have so much fun with a bunch of awesome people

(photo from facebook*sorry I stole it without permission)

if you like a break free or temporary run-away form all your shitty and loaded works. you might come here.

With excitement, and with relaxation..♥ ♥ ♥

Went dong chan si for the 1st time in my life.

So yah, I guessed that’s it.

Hello March.

Hello the brand new me.

i guess i'm doing great. and if i am not, at least i'm trying to make it better. and if i did. i'm one step closer.

and I hope with all that, I’m able to move further.

The fear of..

2010-11-08T15:42:00.002+08:00

One of my friend’s sister just passed away last night.Although I don’t really know that girl, I still feel sad. Gosh, I really don’t like all the bad news. Stay strong friend. You have my deepest condolence,always.

I’m having 4 continuous days with exam I cant barely breath and smile but I’m still here blogging.

It’s privatized, but I just feel like writing something.

Sometimes, I realized that after all, all the while I’m having is just nothing. NOTHING.

If it is compared to what I’m having recently, is seriously nothing big.

When shits happened, all I do is just crying my lungs out without moving forward. Such a silly people I am.

I’m still breathing in every single seconds today, while the others are fighting her best to live.

I’m still able to cry and sometimes feeling grumpy about what I have in life.

I’m still able to talk to all my precious family and friends that love and care about me so much more than I could expect.

After all, I realized that’s nothing I can do.

After all, we are such a weak person inside.

When unpredictable bad things happened to us, we are not the saddest person in the world. WE are not.

THOSE WHO CARES AND LOVES for us are.

those who cares and nags you days and nights loves you so much more that you can ever know.

those who worry and pamper you all day long doesn’t deserved so much tears when something bad happened on you.

they love you more than they love themselves.

So, I learned.

Lessons are being taught through experiences.

In my situation now, I cant do anything more.

All I can do is just smile when I be with them.

All I can do is just remain silence when all the sarcasm occurred around me.

no matter how much i think the problem is still there

and i cant do anything

and i cant stop ppl form the sarcasm

so only thing i can do is remain silence and smile to them

not to pretend, but to stay strong

thats all i can do.

so, I noted to myself, stop thinking too much.

And, learn to be appreciative.

Learn to love yourself more.

For your own sake, and for those who loves you more than themselves.

And for those who really loves you for who you are.

Rest In Peace little girl.

Food ♥ Life

2010-11-01T23:25:00.002+08:00

okay actually I really damn lazy to blog lah but then I got pictures so I just upload pictures loh can can?

I guess my blog is turning into food review blog sooner or later =.=

Food is ♥

okay I might die of obesity sooner or later if I keep eating like this . T___________T

you know how girls are damn troublesome they just keep eating and complaining themselves fat? yah, me are that kind. LOL.-___________________________-

yalah I know I damn mafan and annoying can just ignore me.

so NAO give you PICTURES of FOODSSSSSS and STUFFFFFSSS2

Ice Kacang Puppy Love ♥ 初恋红豆冰 LOL- RM2.00

claypot spicy lou shu fun – RM 4.00

FOOD from old flat for lunch *nomnom*

TIME FOR PASAR MALAM~~!!

ugly face okay scroll down

Ice blended ice cream flavored bubble tea—RM 2.80

Fried chicken chop from Uncle Bob (so big and obvious blind also can see wtf)—RM5.50

Muachi –RM 2.00

Blueberry and Chocolate cheese tart- RM4/for 6

tangyuan tauhu fa – RM 2.00

BIG ribbon/bow-RM10.00 for 3, RM4.00 each.

*cannot resist but then after think back I have less chance to use in campus*

NVM lah, can wear during holidays *wink*

I’M OFFICIALLY SO DAMN OMG BROKE NAO! *exaggerating*

later you see me blog again about food and eating non stop

don’t treat your life so bad lah people. Treat yourself better with nice food. Else your life don’t wanna be nice to you LOL.

okay lah so lazy to blog NAO I shall go study else I can die in my FINAL *TOUCH WOOD KAO KAO*

Arigato.

Sayonara.

Adventurous Day

2010-10-30T23:46:00.002+08:00

really damn nice and adventurous day.

picture of the day~~

damn sleepy and tired. didn’t sleep well last night.

Why on the earth that Joanne is so nice and she layan all my kerenah wtf.

And sacrifice her Saturday for me going here and there ♥

and why on the earth that she always understands me and we thought we have been knowing each other for ages. ♥

and also why on the earth she always write something I don’t understands on her blog then I cannot comment fml.

and how on the earth do we come out with the suay and unsuay things that makes laughter and cherish our moments all day~

and she also influenced by my words such as serious piece of shits and manatau sekali hahahahah.

Okay back to the topic.

We planned to go Bukit Jallil and get my bus ticket to go home after exam and drop by mid valley to get some food for lunch before we go back.

So, we head from college at 9am in the morning (yah,this early coz KTM will always screw my life #suay1 )

we always got no luck with KTM bus so we ended up with Rapid KL.

Walked from college to KMR bus stop to get Rapid KL.Just at the moment we reached the bus stop, the bus is here. #unsuay1

Reached KTM and bought ticket to Bandar Tasik Selatan so that we can change to Monorel and go Bukit Jalil.

and we almost missed the train coz it’s too crowded #suay2

Ended up we took Sentul Timur train instead of Sri Petaling which made us going backward and further away from the destination #suay3

*okay lah what do you expect from us when we never been there before* excuse LOL

Then the #unsuay2 things is we realized it at the Bandar Razak stop which is two train stop backward and get our ass of from the train and get back to the right path.

Reached Bukit Jalil at around 11am and saw so many ~~angry red men there~~ people with red tshirt or accessories (pic with Joanne). manatau sekali Air Asia is doing promotion or whatsover campaign I also don’t know lah.

Besides that, there are bunch of people selling accessories or side products about football as there are having Piala Malaysia now.

Along the way, all the people from different bus company are trying to convince us to buy bus ticket from them , damn annoying can. #suay4

get back to Bandar Tasik Selatan and heading off to Mid Valley in a short period and reached there by 12pm sharp. #unsuay3

and what come next?

FOOD LAH!

abuthen?

realized that I’m not only the one who crazy bout Japanese Food . I got someone to accompany with. #unsuay4

so many awesome food…. life is better now LOL LOL. unfml.

and what else?

CAMWHORE !

I really sibeh bohsuka and dislike my hair now. Dear Hair please grow longer and faster so that I can have my curly hair back T_T

after food we walked around and saw this nice thingy I don’t know what’s the name.

Happy deepavali people~~ ♥

what come next?

do some groceries shopping and ICE CREAM!!! #unsuay5

We are smart and intelligent enough we got a right timing to go back earlier so that we don’t need to squeeze ourselves into the KTM like a sardine fish *wink #unsuay6

But then somehow to some extend god don’t want to be too nice too us coz we got too much #unsuay so there is raining on the way back while waiting at the bus stop.#suay5

SO,conclusion of the day. we are unsuay since we got less suay things happened to us. LOL.

I guess we have a fun time,

at least before going back to the reality and face the truth that exam is coming.xoxo.

Wait, we still have another sort of escapism.

Pasar Malam on Monday, *woots*

OMG. really can die in the final *touch wood kao kao*

Tragic moment

2010-10-28T20:38:00.002+08:00

okay seriously I don’t get the point why suay things never end.

I think I had mentioned zillion times about this my friends might get sick of me.

Yet, I’m still repeating it.

Is like everytime I thought something worst already happened to me, there will be something worst than worst coming to my life. really FML.

Okay and what’s the story this time?

OMFG let’s think from the good side and being positive coz at last I considered myself as a lucky person.

jeng jeng jeng

I ALMOST LOST MY PHONE TODAY.

okay lah when I said almost, means my phone is still safe and staying with me now wtf.

this is the second time loh okay. really wtf and fml.

the first time I thought I had go through all the worst day and got heart attack. but hell no, today is definitely worst still. I’m like playing emotional rolling coaster wtf.

I got so worried imma bang myself on the wall or throwing obscene words to someone fml.

Okay so here we go.

Thursday is the best day ever for me because I got no more class after 11 am. damn free one.

SO today, is the last day for ELLIS then im all prepared to go the class *hardworking*

lalallalal~~muttering abit first~~

waiting for the bus to arrived~~

And then when the bus is here,the uncle(bus driver) don’t let us in. WTF.

REASON?

He asked one malay girl where is she going and then she said class. Manatau sekali the uncle thought she cheated him and said don’t want let us in. He keep mumbling and said we cheat one we are not going to class. Instead, he claimed that we are going to complex academic and wait for KTM bus so we can go home.The girl make a denial by saying that she is not going home without luggage and only one hand bag. But then, wtf the uncle being offensive he said nowadays we kids go home few days only we don’t need luggage. WTF.

Okay lah, actually he is teasing her only.

make long story short.

Then I get into the bus with food and I was holding my phone.*coz I replied someone’s message and waiting for the reply*

And I leave my phone on the sofa and start eating and talking with the coursemates

when we reached Fakulti Bahasa Moden dan Komunikasi, I just went down the bus WITHOUT MY PHONE.WTF

and I only realized it when I remembered I need to text someone. When I looked into the bag and I realized my phone gone.I feel like tearing myself into half.

Then the coursemate started to call my phone for me wondering if anyone took it. BUT HELL I forgotten that my phone is on silent mode.

So, I WALKED back from the Fakulti Bahasa Moden dan Komunikasi back to my college to wait for the bus to come back. I was thinking maybe I’ll be lucky no body saw and took my phone.And so lucky, I am.

While on the way walking back, I was thinking all the “ what if’s” . arghh~~ damn torturing and worry can die~~

When I was at college, one Malay girl she damn nice she help me keep calling the phone coz she claimed that if someone ever took my phone, they might as well just switch it off *true*.

She keep calling for me until the bus is back. When the bus stopped, I rushed to the driver and asked did he saw any phone and he said He know nothing. He asked me to get into the bus and checked myself.

Fortunately, my phone is still there on the sofa~~Phewww~~~

okay end of story.

So do I considered myself as a lucky or unlucky person?

seriously emo at myself and the clumsiness.

Suay things never fail to screw me and it never ends in my life.

okay ignore all my wtfs and fmls I know its annoying but then nvm lah just let it be.

突发奇想

2010-10-27T01:23:00.002+08:00

本人玩coding 玩到有要撞墙的感觉。现在突然很有灵感，给我废话一下。

想说，如果你懂我，你会明白。

不需要太多的言语，不需要太多的解释。

不需要太多的猜疑，不需要太多的揣摩。

或许，我的心，对你而言，太难预料。

如我常说的，

如果你觉得我深奥，是因为你不曾了解。

如果你觉得我难懂，是因为你不曾明白。

也许，我的深奥，是建设在你的不曾了解。

也许，我的难懂，前提是不想让你明白。

害怕被看透，畏惧被了解。

封锁的心，却不知觉得为你打开。

告诉自己，不要软弱的接受你的好，但却不知觉地往你的方向跑。

限制自己，不要无时无刻的想着你，但却又不知觉的回想你背影。

会期盼你给我的关心，但是又告诉自己不能太依赖你。

会期盼你给我发简讯，然后告诉自己果断一点不必理会，

但是脑筋却又一直重复你的画面，手中敲打的每一字一句，就是对你的思念。

就是会莫名其妙的想起你，

就是会莫名其妙的依赖你，

就是会莫名其妙的关心你，

就是会莫名其妙的生气你，

就是会莫名其妙的捉弄你，

就是会莫名其妙的唠叨你；

想念你时会不知不觉地傻笑，

依赖你时会不知不觉地撒娇，

关心你时会不知不觉地唠叨，

生气你时会不知不觉地流泪，

捉弄你时会不知不觉地霸道，

唠叨你时会不知不觉地温柔，

有些话，说得太明显，会显得很卑微。

有些事，明明就明白，却又假装不懂。

我以为，如果我跟你说了你想听的话，

那你会就跟我讲我想要你懂的事。

那么，这样的我们，会不一样。

结果，现在的我们，还是一样。

如果你的每一步都小心翼翼，那我不知道该怎么跟着你的步伐走。

如果你的每句话都深谋远虑，那我不知道该怎么尝试打开我自己。

假如你关心我，又不让我知道，那算什么？

假如你心疼我，又不让我撒娇，那算什么？

假如你唠叨我，又不让我依赖，那算什么？

因为天长地久是奢侈的梦，

所以渴望短暂的曾经拥有。

是我太刁钻，还是你不曾尝试？

是我太高傲，还是你不曾接近？

是我太倔强，还是你太轻言放弃？

从来太容易得到的从不珍惜，

从来暧昧带来的只会是伤害。

如果你不能给我肯定，请与我保持距离。

既然对自己的感觉质疑，就应该搞清楚。

这场游戏，我输不起，

是我太软弱，我缺乏勇气，

如果你对我和其他人不一样，

如果你关心我比其他人多一点点，

如果你想起我的次数比其他人多一点点，

如果你对我倾诉的心事比其他人多一点点，

如果你看到我时你的心跳会加快那么一点点，

如果你跟其他女生说话会在意我的感受，

如果你跟朋友出去迟回家会跟我解释，

如果你每天起来第一个想到的是我，

如果你半夜不睡就为了等我下线，

如果你会常常不知觉地放纵我，

如果你会每天想跟我说晚安，

如果你会挺身而出保护我，

如果你喜欢我对你撒娇，

如果你喜欢我粘着你，

如果你想要我想你，

如果有这些如果，

我们会不一样。

但是，

既然话说了收不回，既然期盼的不如结果，只好选择放弃。不要再想了。

废话

2010-10-26T00:27:00.001+08:00

今天上课时无聊写的.

无论距离在遥远

脚底下踩着的

是同一片土地

一起呼吸的

是同一种空气

每一步一脚印

不畏惧的向前迈进

共同拥有的

是对未来的憧憬

向往的

是那一片梦想的天空

每一步的小心翼翼

是为了呵护那珍惜的美好

因为天长地久是奢侈的梦

所以渴望短暂的曾经拥有

想要握住彩笔是为了找阁楼隐藏的画（不是我写的）

想要拥有翅膀是为了在天空翱翔的梦

梦想的阶梯是我们共同努力的原动力

执着的立场是我们憧憬未来的毅力

坚持的信念是我们期望梦想的努力

付出的努力不盼望相等的回报

播出的种子不渴望相等的结果

坚韧的磨炼造就了勇敢的迈进

勇往直前为的是冲出极限

过了极限就能到达成功

坚持下去就是梦想的土地

不计付出就是未来的天空

废话完毕。

Weekends

2010-10-25T00:13:00.002+08:00

I’m so lazy to blog lah but then I wanan jot down what happened to me, as always.

As always, my blog is a review for me.

My blog is like a space for thoughts sharing and the passion is the one that keep me continue to blog, ups or downs.

picturessssssssss time!!!

show a picture of me 1st!

okay, I declared that now I’m totally a dead fish coz working under bloody hell hot sun for more than half day.

OMGOSH

Saturday

Okay so our Bakti Siswa mega project which consist us for like 60% of the final(since we got no final for the particular curriculum).

And our group went to SMA Nilai to do some community work to the particular school.

(took bloody hell 45 minutes to reach there*slept all the way in the bus)

at first I was damn grumpy wtf Sat morning have to wake up and gather before 7,30am.(Go class also not that early (LOL))

and somemore have to sacrifice my time else I’ll be meeting up with my mummy

But then, somehow , to some extend, I try to persuade myself not to be too prejudice over a particular things and start to think objectively.

Well, if I just need to learn to enjoy it. else there gone all the day.

Why make life so difficult? *wink got higher level of EQ now*

So forth, I learnt to enjoy and love what I need/have to do.

There are guys who were required to cut off and replant the trees, there are group of students who were requested to paint the hostels, and our group are asked to measure and paint out badminton court, basketball court, and bola tampar court (dunno what bola tampar in english *fail)

setting up under hot sun OMG.

self painting/ and painting painting non stop.

and get tired after measuring and doing work non stop under hot sun.

What come next? FOOD LAH. abuthen!

Have to bring your own case somemore coz the theme this time emphasized on Love the earth thingie so we are so environmental friendly that day *wink*

okay ignore my fugly face this photo grabbed from facebook. candid shot from the Facilitator.

He bring his weapon (DSLR) and go snap all the candid shot around. –____-

Click here to check out the album.

After everyone get bored and tired and sick of that hot sun, we

CAMWHORE!

okay I tell you this Malay girl is so damn cute and friendly and nice can!

She know how to sing JJ Lin’s songs and we sang all day long non stop *touched*

Damn chilling talking to her she is very open-minded and easy going person.*impressive*

She don’t know how to speak Mandarin but then she sing JJ’s songs by memorizing using hanyupinyin *salute*

After that we are all done! *hard works under hot sun paid off*

But the court is not so appropriate due to our skill-less and non- professional techniques.*damn fail*

We claimed that those who played here cannot become champion one! *gulp feel guilty*

God has been doing good to us only when we got all the things done UNDER HOT SUN then it goes all gloomy and going to rain.-____-*should have rain earlier* then we can quick our job for good reason.

And RIGHT after I came back and reached campus, I go and meet up mummy! <3

I CAN HAVE NICE FOOD!

Actually I stayed at auntie’s house also I damn bored and nothing to do one.

The best part is to see my mummy and talked to her.<3

She brought me pink and black crystals, one to wear and one to put in the room! <3

Argh. see.. this is what happened went she is doing this as her work.

Also supplements such as fish oil and VItamin C omgosh.

I have to clarify lah, I only fall asick kinda often after I entered university*clarification fail* I’m always weak. but not as weak as now.

tell me how am I going to bring back tonnes of stuffs during sem break?!!! *faint

and can have fresh homemade fruit juice the next morning! *nom

Okay but now back to the reality and no more escapism or freedom air.

Start feeling guilty coz didn’t do a thing with books these two days instead of chilling, watching drama with mummy and blogging, like now. *excuse*

Okay.That’s it .

Till the next, I might write Mandarin.

I miss my mandarin though it sucks.

This time can have cheers.

Cheers,

These few days

2010-10-22T00:18:00.002+08:00

wrote these post since last few days put keep on adding in and havent post yet.

show a picture of me else I forget about how to be myself LOL.

okay this look not bad coz with make up. if you see me now you will know that I;m such a walking zombie due to the lack of sleep and few days of nightmare.

okay I think my blog deserved a quick update coz I don’t feel like forsaken it for too long.

First of all, let’s review what happened these few days.

Saturday

~~Wasted whole day in the hall listening to crap about Pembangunan Lestari.~~

screwed my day coz I cant celebrate my mummy’s birthday sad max.

but then I got this pretty lady to accompany me *phew else I’ll be dying of boredom sooner or later.

At first I really thought of sneaking out but then I feel guilty leaving her alone and I got my responsibilities as the committee member for my group so we stayed till the end,(applause)

and the tragic thing is that I cant make it to pass up my assignment on time for the first time in my life!boo

The other day we cant online at hostel AT ALL and I cant finished up the things.*excuse

NO more procrastination and last minute work next time. *note to self*

One thing ,assignments really never fail to screw me

Sunday

Yah.one of the major issue is that my laptop is down, FML.

I seriously take the fact that good thing never comes to me.

*finger crossed better luck next time*

Okay I don’t know what’s the problem is but recently I always have a problem with my Microsoft Office and it always took me ages to load.-___________-

It’s like every I clicked it, it took ages to load the page, it took thousand years to configure(I don’t get it why every time the settings need to reconfigured)

And then my laptop seems to be so lag and it took ages for me to load one page after a click. My laptop only 5 months old okay I also don’t know the reason why. *fail as a com science student*

okay, here come the dramatic part, The other day I need a interviewee for my survey thingy I asked Joanne to video up with me.

And I spent whole of my Saturday edit it but after my laptop blacked out, all my things are gone. wtf.

Then when I plugged in my pendrive the laptop suddenly black out I cant even start up. So I ended up looking around with the college mates for help from seniors.*phew.

So lucky that we can have Ken here. LOL

And I don’t know how he do the recover for me and my laptop is functioning again *salute*

Then he said that something goes wrong with my laptop so I need to reformat it. OMG.*shake head feeling stupid coz I don’t know how.

At first I asked senior to format for me but then we couldn’t find a time to meet up so I ended up nagging the coursemate to do for me. *poor him

So I need to spend my day backing up all my stuffs especially all my precious pictures.

And now have to busying reinstall all my applications. *sigh*

Present

Just realized that out exam time table changed at last minute.

And my 1st two papers ended up to become the last two papers. Which make a one week gap in between it. *imma go home.

Totally spoiled my mood what turf why are the authority troubling us that way for no reason.

And according to the schedule, 23th is holiday but yet now they postponed our schedule and screwed everyone’s life.

Serious piece of shit. Never consider or concern for those who bought their bus/flight ticket earlier*burning money

feel so sad for those who bought their tickets. Now there are in trouble sorting out the issues.

okay too much shit things happened but then I don’t wanna make it so grumpy wtf so I shall stop grumbling.

And always think from a good side and learn to become a more optimistic person. Take all the challenges that come into life and you are a better person tomorrow.

One thing I always feel blissful and grateful is that I can always have people who concerned and love me whenever I’m feeling down.

And I’m so glad that I’m a part of your life.*appreciate

Also feels appreciating to have you guys occupying my life and become a big part in it.

With Love ,We grow.

And together, we grow.

值得。不值得

2010-10-17T22:59:00.002+08:00

有些事，有些人，不值得。

有些事，从来就不必在意，因为它不值得。

有些人，从来就不必在乎，因为它不值得。

但是有些事，有些人，明明就知道他不值得，还是会不知不觉地在乎。

也许我就是那个明知故犯的人。

就比如

你知道他不喜欢你，但是还是会傻傻的，习惯喜欢。

你知道他心里有她，但是还是会习惯的，远远眺望。

你知道你很喜欢她，但是心里也很肯定，只有这样。

你知道你们之间，永远，只可以是朋友。

你知道，有些时候，你必须学会放手。

但是，固执的你，却偏偏，活在期待中。

或许

有个他，很喜欢你，但是你并不喜欢他。

有个他，很关心你，但是你就是不来电。

有个他，很在乎你，但是你却不怎么样。

有个这样的他，你很自私的霸占，也很满足。

但是，坚持的你，却应该，学会珍惜他。

有些事，

你明明就知道，却又假装不懂。

你明明就清楚，却又欺骗自己。

你明明就明白，却又伪装自己。

也许，迷茫的你，不接受，这么一回事。

或许，所谓的值得，不值得，只有自己知道。

由不得别人来告诉你，只可也让自己慢慢去衡量。

Serious Piece Of Shit

2010-10-16T00:48:00.002+08:00

Warning: Dont Read.

okay although all the shyt things already happened and i’m so glad that i went through all, i just wanna mutter abit. I was trying to convince myself not to do this post up but then somehow to some extend i wanna write it out.I keep telling myself that I wanna keep my blog as happy as I can, I wanna keep myself as cheerful as I can, I wanna be positive thinker, I wanna stay like how I used to be, but fml max i failed badly this week.Seriously worst than i could ever expect.

Sometimes when you grow, you just wanna keep all the shyt things aside. And be happy. Not to let your life down. Dont need to show your anger or temper, dont need to show your emotional thoughts too much, dont need to get over something that doesnt worth a thing.

I guess after all. i’m just sucks at hiding my feelings and emotions *fail

Grumpiest week ever. Everytime I thought I’m having the worst thing and stay strong to go through it, There are always something worst that came over and challenged me up. Really took off all my EQs and patience.

I’ve grumbling day and night at my plurk muttering about it I think all the people get annoyed by me now wtf.And to some extend I’m kinda glad that I’m all threw up now at least I’m still be able to handle it. And to some extend I’m kinda happy how all these shyts that happened actually let me know more and learn more*positive thinking now*

Okay the story is a long winded and grumpy mumpy one.

Grumble #1

This is about my course registration thingie.

Okay, so I really wanna have some nice cocurriculum for my next semester such a Golf or swimming or archery.And the on the day of registration, My Academic Consultant/Penasihat Akademik (PA) didnt activate my account and I couldnt do a thing of it.

When I get to her and requested for account activation, she told me that she cant log in to the page. Is either system down or server problems.fml. Good thing never come to me one*already accept this fact*

And when others are fighting for the limited places for certain courses, all I could do is sit there at stare fml.

And it took ages for her to activate my account. Dont get me wrong, I’m not blaming her. I know the webpage is so crowded there will always be some problems exist there.It;s about luck.

Now I get the point why they described course registration as a nightmare.

To make long story short, on the other hand I’m quite gladful that my friend did the registration for me while the account is activated but I’m stucked in the class *touched*

So now we can have swimming next semester. *phew*

But too bad it is in the afternoon under a hot sun. Anyway, aint shall complain any further coz is better than nothing.

Grumble #2

is about assignment. this is the most annoying part.

to some extend, i seriously hate group work from now on.

I’m not putting the blame on anyone but let’s do some reflection on what’s going on.

So we were required to do an assignment on How some certain civilization affect the growth of a developed country.

And the lecturer is very picky and tedious about it our idea was bent for several times. fml.

Then we have to submit the whole portfolio which consisted around 25-50 pages by this Friday before 6pm.

There are some mankind who always being selfish and irresponsible.

I got no comment on your personal life but could you disciplined yourself before you go for your leisure?

NO?

staying up in the midnight playing Dota and woke up as late as 4 pm on the next day while me doing the slides for presentation till midnight.

and rather go for basketball, Pesta Tanglung and hang around rather than meet up and do some discussion.

What else?

And telling me sorry when he couldnt make it to meet up and on the other hand feels no guilty at all.What a good group leader I had.

Sorry is not a solution for a problem. Saying sorry doesnt solve problems OKay! If saying sorry worked, then tell me what;s the existence of solution for?

If saying sorry can solve a problem. Then what's the solution for?

Besides that, sleep till afternoon and still able to go for activities interview rather than get things done on taht particular due date.

I ever ask : tell me what should i do to make them get their works done in time. am i overreacted or they are the one who is not concerning?

At the beginning, they are not keeping up with me. what should i do? i already sms them and they never reply.aint em worry bout their assignment?

To some extend, I was so angry and I was thinking of removing his name from the assignment. somehow I dont want to go to that extend and being harsh to that particular person as you’re going to face him for 4 years no matter how.

It took me one bloody whole week spending every of my night doing the same thing. And yet he is gaming and not contributing much.

So forth when i requested him to split up the subtopic so that we can do seperately but then he know nothing about it or he dont give a damn on it. wtf. everyone bully me one.

WTF the guy told me he just realized he havent do other assignment and he duwan do this group assignment 1st?!!! dont they know that commitment is important?

dont tell me you are doing it. it is in a progress while u dun give a damn and dun bother much about it. serious shyt.

commitment is important. Nothing can be done without commitment. One's man power is nothing when it comes to group work.And i feels stressed out when i cant get things done.The other day my senior actually realized it and tell me not to stressed myself too much.

i'm not a perfectionist but i expect something better.

There are moment when I need to redo everything coz something goes wrong and I didnt save it.

There are moment when I need to review it and edit it again coz there are too much plagiarism in it.

It’s sickening. I dont mind doing all the things and take in all the burden. But I do mind if I’m doing it all alone and I feel hopeless about it.

And at the end of the day. he just managed to up to 5 pages at maximum.And he is telling me that he dont know what else to write anymore. He got nothing to write. Hello? Come on. Dont give excuse for yourself.I myself alone is doing 30 pages.serious shyt.Not that im trying to show off.Sometimes, you just need to be responsible and get things done,isnt it?

EVERYONE makes mistakes. If you don't wanna be judged by yours, then don't judge anyone else. So i’m not judging. just a bit of grumpiness here.

A mistake is not a mistake when you admitted it, A mistake is a mistake when you knew it is a mistake and yet never make a change on it.

Is it because I’m being kind and nice that;s why you are not afraid of my words. Dont take me for granted.

I’m gonna watch and see how you guys are going to survive with this kinda attitudes and commitment.

I got my lesson. No more grouping with him next semester in any of the group work. *pray hard hard*

Sometimes, people never change. they just never do.

You lost your chance. You dont deserved a single respect from me from now on.

Grumble #3

I checked structure discrete result today, what the heck all those who copied the answer get a higher marks.Pease give me a good reason why i need to study hard when they are having better result with plagiarism. fml.

And my test 2 results are all not so satisfying me.

It’s totally challenging my patience dealing with such shits. so sick of it.

If you never initiate yourself in doing some certain things, when are you going to learn? NEVER.

And i think my body is alarming me coz I’m having sore throat and coughing all over I guess I’m falling sick sooner or later. fml

if someone who is smart to copy answer in a test get a better scores. Then tell me why should i study hard and don't get a thing? Lifeless.

If you work hard and put in effort, but at the end of the day realized that life is so unfair. Boo! Mood spoiling

if someone who is smart to copy answer in a test get a better scores. Why i should study so hard and earn nothing?

I keep telling myself: grumbles doesnt make life easier, it makes life tougher, it makes us uglier. *take note*

please make my life easier although i know it is impossible

Today, i learned the sincerity and the trustworthy from a person. Boo!

I know what i wanna have in life. but sometimes there are so many distractions.Anyway, this is not an excuse. doesnt mean that when u’re good in academic you have a better life than me or you re a better person. I dont think so.

And they never show appreciation when people is trying to help. When I’m done with my next sem time table, they make it so necessary for me to give em a copy when I’m trying to keep em updates with information.

Not to say about the Mix On Campus activities, their hidden attitudes are not something that worth sharing at all.

Life is ironic. When you have it, you didn't appreciate it; but when you lost it, you regret about it.

I’m done. That’s it.

You taught me a real lesson. I need to cheer myself up. I need my life back. I need a proper attitude toward myself and the things surrounded. DONT EVER TAKE ME FOR GRANTED.I dont wanna make myself down.I’m so sick of my own grumpiness and the self –emo.

always remind myself, Always accept and be thankful for what you have NOW, because there are more people who are less fortunate than you.

I’m training myself to have a better EQ now, Patience is a virtue.Thanks to all the shyts, I’m a better person that yesterday,and a better person for tomorrow.

Don't get too busy trying to please everyone... just do what you want and do it right!

Try to learn form the past, rather then repeating it and making reference to it all the time

If you think I’m going to fail badly in my life, WATCH ME. till then , you shall know. Action always speak louder than words. AS usual, we dont do work by mouth LOL.

Talk is cheap, if your actions don't show what you mean

cheers

10.10.10

2010-10-10T01:20:00.002+08:00

okay since this will only happened once in 1000 years, imma blog abit about my day and weeks as a review. Cannot leave my blog outdated for too long although no body is reading it. Maybe after 5 or 10 years I’ll be read back all my old entries and laugh at myself.

At first i really wanna write out some grumpy things but imma cheer myself with a better/ positive side else i’ll be emo all over again for some silly things and hate myself more for wasting my time/energy for something that doesnt worth a thing.

sometimes when i forgot what happened to my life. what i had been, where i went, i’ll be looking at the photo album and do the review. Just a quick one gotta get back to assignmentsssss later.~~I’m wondering whether i am the only one who concern about the hw? the other group member give me no response when i asked them out for hw =.=~~

7.10.10-9.10.10

We can haz FOOD FAIR @ UPM.

ahem ahem *cough* cough* spotted the guy selling ice-cream. He was trying to tease my friend when she wanna buy ice cream *laugh*

and they sell really nice and cute looking chocolate which is a good gift for friends.*gulp* feel reluctant to eat

*cannot resist such a nice cute chocolate and feels so reluctant to eat it so ended up didnt buy*

and they are having soooo many stalls with foodddddd. *nom nom*

and grabbed some cheapskate instant noodles while the bunch of girls got their junk food bag at RM10 each *dance happily*

09.10.10

outing with the girl.it has been ages *tears non stop*

It has been ages since we both meet up. We are in the same uni wtf ever since Raya break till now we never meet. HOW COME!? HOW CAN?! MUST MEET LAHH!

that’s why this time we sneak out once we both got free time *leave assignments behind*and i finally can breath in some freedom air and looking forward for some sort of escapism *yay!*

(i just realized the new windows live essential 2010) is awesome. The new windows live writer transferred all my symbolic emotions into real emotions like plurk and MSN! see?!! MORE?!

okay. some normal

camwhore pictures of……………………..ME

before meeting her up life is dull and no color *drama LOL

then after that, I can have myself back!

life is full of joy and colour again!

she always dont one take pictures with me one *sob*

I’m looking forward for this outing since ages.*criess*

AT first we thought of going Mid Valley but too bad Bakti Siswa(my cocurriculum) screwed my lovely Saturday so we ended up at Mines *sigh*

So, it has been ages since I watch movie too! *sigh more*

EVERYTHING HAS BEEN AGES!

So, we went to buy ticket for Legend of Guardians and head on for some food! *what you expect from someone who didnt take breakfast and lunch*

why her food always reached earlier than me? *grumpy*

she keep eating and ignore me so i keep on capturing myself *excuse lol

*waiting*waiting*waiting

see? she is eating.. I’m an abandoned baby. *criess*

Finally, my food is here *stare!

and please dont point at me and said why u so rich always have nice food? We dont, this is a once in a blue moon indulgence. (anyway i’m lazy to explain, I’m who I think I am, not who you think I am)

and walked and shopped around. WINDOW SHOPPING! *criess (looked at the empty wallet and sigh non stop)

okay lah ,confession to be made. I actually bought something loh okay.

MOVIE REVIEW:

i like the Tytos named Soren(the main character) and it looked so class and flurry and white *imagine hugging it to sleep* so fluffy.

If there is a soft toy for it, i’ll me more than willing to own one *hint hint*

But think back who will have an owl as a soft toys? Hello Kitty or big fluffy soft bear is a better idea huh?

*picture from google*

CAN I HAVE ONE? *puppy eyes*

or this? CAN I? *beg*

or this?

or this? HAHAHHA

And the story line is nice too.I mean dont expect too much lah. Can go watch if youre like me,looking for some sort of escapism and chill time.Not too bad after all.

okay something i wanna share. If you go any supermarket on Saturday, please bear in mind that Saturday is a NO PLASTIC BAG DAY.

So we went fully prepared with paper bag to Giant for groceries shopping coz we were too kiamsiap to buy the plastic bag which cost 20 cents each* feeling kind coz i’m contributing myself to the earth*

Recycle okay PEOPLE!

very useful okay *credit to my mummy*

*sounded like a obasan*

speaking of my mummy, i wanna start some mutters.

I CANT CELEBRATE HER BIRTHDAY DUE TO SOME ACTIVITIES.*guilty

I’m not a good daughter.My family came all over to KL this coming weekend and booked hotel room at Genting so that I could celebrate her birthday but too bad Bakti Siswa screwed my life. Really thought of skipping all the activities but I better dont as it took me 60% of my finals wtf.

</3 </3 Heart broken *sigh non stop*

And i’m feeling grumpy all over again coz I’m gonna have activities this coming Friday,Saturday,next coming Saturday and next next Saturday as well.fml.

There gone ALL my lovely Saturdays.

okay I’m gonna stop now and head back to the endless assignment which the due date is on the coming Monday and Wednesday.I got 4 in hand and none are done.really fml.

Shall really stop typing else I’ll spoil this good day with all the wtf and fml and getting grumpier and emo all day long.

Before that, I shall wish my lovely kaima Happy Birthday!

She can have nice birthday with a nice day 10.10.10! <3

Okay.That;s it.

Signed off.

~~Cheers.~~

No cheers

多愁善感

2010-10-05T20:29:00.002+08:00

有好几天没时间让我写写我想说的话。

还好有Plurk，让我记录忘我想讲的话，再慢慢的写下来。

凌凌乱乱的在Plurk写了下来，再慢慢整理一下我的思绪。

有人说，太多的胡思乱想不好。想太多，不好。

但是我觉得，偶尔的多愁善感，适时地胡思乱想，没有不好。

多愁善感不代表胡思乱想。

太多的成熟，让我们渐渐忘了单纯的美好。

应该天真的时候，我们就不该太懂事。应该懂事的时候，我们就不该太幼稚。

有很多时候，明明就不想要你的帮忙，却又莫名其妙顺其自然的接受。

常跟自己讲，期望越高，失望越大，没有期望，没有失望。

真的不要你的好，让我矛盾的依赖。

告诉自己，不要软弱的接受你的关心，但却不知所措的喜欢你的问候。

如果我难懂，那是因为你从来不想懂。

我很容易懂，只是你没有尝试去了解。

我，猜不透你的不想猜透。

你，猜不透我的想你猜透。

结果，你不懂，我想让你懂。

我不懂，怎么让你懂。

保持距离只因为不想要依赖你的好。

告诉自己不该盲目的期待你的好，却又不知不觉地钻进的问候的漩涡里。

如果我说了你想听的话，那你会不会跟我说我想你懂的话？

真的不要你的好，让我矛盾的依赖。

常在想，如果你懂我，那有多好。

如果你真的懂我，那你应该懂我说的他是你。

如果你真的懂我，那你应该懂我期待的是你。

如果你真的懂我，那你应该懂我喜欢的是你。

常想，与你聊不完的曾经是我们共同拥有的回忆。

但是，如果连那仅有的回忆也没有了，我们的那些曾经，也就不存在了。

你的关心是我奢侈的梦想，太真实的美好我不敢要。

太多的问候，让我总抱着希望。

太多的关心，我会傻傻的当真。

太多的安慰，我会越来越期待。

你那无关痛痒的问候捉住了那期待的心。

你那简简单单的关心渗透了那渴望的爱。

你那真切耐心的安慰俘虏了那憧憬的梦。

我们，也只能这样。

因为，那傻瓜不懂。

我们，只可以这样。

因为，他不懂她想他懂。

随便说说

2010-10-02T21:44:00.002+08:00

本来我想写关于PC Fair 的，但是又很懒惰在edit照片，所以，我想写我要讲的话。

即使，下一刻大家真的望向不同一片的天空，脚底下踩着的，依然是同一片的土地，而我们大家最初的起飞点都是一样的。

有梦想的人生才完整。

我以为，只要我不去触碰，只要我不去理会，它就会离我远远的，但是并没有。

如果太多的关心会令我不知所措，那我习惯了的关心没有了，我会更加恐慌。

所以我不要你给我太多的关心，我会养成依赖。

我会习惯依赖，然后依赖习惯。

如果有一天你不关心我了，我会很不习惯。

与其这样，不如我拒绝你的关心，和你保持一段距离，这样的我们，会比较好。

偶尔在我想要有人疼时，让你唠叨我一下。

偶尔在我想要有人关心时，给你安慰我一下。

这样的我们，会比较长久，会比较好。

这样的我们，会比较自在，比较珍惜。

如果哪一天，我发现我越来越依赖你，我会更加不知所措。

如果有一天，我一大早起来第一个想到的是你，我会开始怀疑自己的感觉。

如果有一天，我临睡前看着电话期待你跟我说晚安，我知道我已经慢慢喜欢你。

如果有一天，我不开心时最想打给你诉苦，我会越来越否决自己的感觉。

不要对我表现超乎朋友的关心，不要对我表现超乎朋友的在乎，

我会傻傻的，傻傻的，习惯喜欢，慢慢的，慢慢的，习惯依赖，还会，渐渐的，渐渐的，喜欢上你。

我会害怕喜欢你。越来越多的关心，会变成越来越多的喜欢。

还是人本来就很矛盾？

当你一个人时，你觉得有伴很幸福；当你有伴时，才真正体会到寂寞的美好。

如果我告诉你我喜欢你，但是你不喜欢我的话，那我们会怎么样？

你就不会再关心我了，你就不会再让我依赖了，对不对？

我们就不会像之前那样要好，对不对？

剩下的只有尴尬，剩下的只有沉默，剩下的只有我的习惯喜欢。

所以，习惯，喜欢。感觉，留给，自己，就好。

跟自己谈恋爱，和寂寞做朋友。

Weekends

2010-09-28T23:44:00.002+08:00

okay tonnes of shit load assignments need to be done i also dunno why thing never end*sob*

am i being stupid or we’re in slow progress? *stare at self*

okay. no time for proper feelings and no time for emo so just pictures with captions.*wink*

Saturday

okay saturday was busy and mad like hell. woke up early in the morning to go library *sob* Good student* Point at self*

honestly,it doesnt feel good at all going to library on saturday morning *reluctant*pull hair*

and was having the boring-useless-dunno-what’s-the-objective cocurriculum activity that took off my lovely saturday afternoon. *sob again*

(and it gonna ruin my weekend this week as well since i have the i-dunno-what’s-it-about speech/talk.FML)

Was planning to meet up with the bff but couldnt make it fml more and ended up going out to mines with the coursemate girls.*felt sorry for my girl*sob again and again wtf*

threatened myself better with food.*can smile abit now*

they insist me to post up the pictures so all you see is my pictures LOL.

okay rush back from co-curriculum by walking back from Kompleks mahasiswa to Kolej *bravo me*

and always remind myself to wear hat/cap during outings.fml max with the ugly short hair*sob more

or think from the good side, hat actually makes me look less ugly*or i’m ugly in the beginning so it makes no difference*fml

Sunday

worst Sunday ever okay *sob to infinity fml max*

last Sunday was wake-up-in-the-morning-for-assignment day.

or more precisely is continue with assignment day.

and the most ironic part is search through the internet from morning to noon and still at 0.1% of progress.*almost give up*

Fortunately be nice to myself abit again with nice food.

diz time we can have Dominossss *nom nom*

okay people please dont point at me and said i rich okay and wtf why i always have nice food*got free voucher with one regular pizza okay*

okay pic is ugly no time do some edit.nvm just let it be lah.

and okay ciao now dunno what to write,dunno what to blog, no mood to blog,headache and need to continue with assignment

Note to self: edit this messy grumpy post or writing new post soon about PC fair and how i ruined screen protector coz this post is too messy and doesnt worth reading.*as if that worth reading too*

bravo at you if you understand and read word by word what i write.

signed off.

男孩。女孩

2010-09-27T01:34:00.002+08:00

太简单的幸福我们捉不住。也许，我们没用那份紧紧捉住的勇气。

太复杂的感情我们不敢要。也许，我们就是傻傻地怕会受到伤害。

女孩子太容易明白，但是男孩永远不懂。

也许，有时候，她太高傲，他不敢靠近。

也许，有时候，她太冷漠，他不敢安慰。

也许，有时候，她太深奥，他不敢钻研。

当你发现你在他的心目中，并没有你自己想象中的重要，是时候离开。

女孩只对她喜欢的男孩任性，但是他以为她放纵霸道。

女孩只为她喜欢的男孩流泪，但是他以为她小题大做。

女孩只为她喜欢的男孩撒娇，但是他以为她很孩子气。

他不懂，她想要他明白的故事。

他不懂，她想要他了解的情节。

他不懂，她想要他知道的憧憬。

她明白，一段故事的结束，是另一段故事的开始。

她想要建筑属于彼此的王国。

她想要创造出于彼此的未来。

她想要闯进她的内心世界里。

她想要拥有属于彼此的蓝天。

她想要拥有属于彼此的情节。

她想要拥有属于彼此的故事。

她想要拥有属于彼此的回忆。

她了解，太多的期盼，是一种莫名伤害。

她知道，太多的关心，是一种不知所措。

不必太期盼，不必太执着，不必太在意。

不必太憧憬，不必太刻意，不必太牵强。

不必太委屈，不必太坚强，不必太逞强。

所以，她想，不用等别人来疼她，自己疼自己就好。

Confession to be made

2010-09-24T23:04:00.002+08:00

okay i’m all threw up now.I need to blog about something.Anyway,I already mentioned about this to my bff however she is busy she got less time entertained me so here I am.Is like i keep myself busy for nothing and all screw up i dont know what am I doing, I feel the lost. But on the other hand I wanna keep/make myself busier so that I could think less about those shitty unnecessary thoughts.damn hesitating wtf.

Staying at faculty purposely so that I could get my things done else i’ll be sleeping or doing other things if I stayed in the room. Too much distraction.And the ironic things is I only managed to get one assignment done.damn the stupid brain. Dont know how many brain cells killed.

And now currently blog in collegemate’s room.Cannot resist staying in the room feeling creepy and depressive since I didnt met my roommate for 3 days already.Disadvantage/advantage when the roommate is from KL.

Especially during this kind of period where it rains and thunder almost every moment.It feels creepy.

It’s raining heavily now. The sky is crying so much like how much my mood swing like now.Or more precisely, us. Like how she threw up all her mood to me and emo herself for being emo for no reason yesterday. And she said, dont ask me why I emo I also dont know why. damn wtf lah us. Dont know what’s wrong with us I also dont know how to console her by saying everything will be okay. FOL. It’s like we dont know what’s go wrong with us and we get all emo.really wtf.And then we was like consoling each other and asking each other to cheer up but on the other hand we are all threw up again when it hit the point we almost cry. really wtf and FOL.

and then we are like, hey we really need to meet up. dammit we’re at same uni also we couldnt make it.double fol.

The sky is feeling gloomy, so do the mood.

I start wondering and thinking so much now like I never do.Leave apart all the emotional and sentimental thoughts deep inside me, i realized I never grew as much as like now.Never.

Feeling emo all over at myself,start wondering about the future, start thinking and really plan for it instead of just dream about it. Somehow to some extend we realized that there are some dreams that are just for us to dream ,and to wake up.Till then, we will know which is the right thing to do.It’s a process, of learning, so much more we could expect, we need to face it no matter how.

See things from different angles. Look things more clearer,by heart,not by the eyes.

Learn to be wiser, think twice before any decision making.

That’s what we all have to learn.

And, the most important part of my entry today, start to think of getting into a relationship,seriously.

It’s not that I’m being desperate. I dont. But just take it as a level of experience or a stage in life.

No matter how, you need to get into it, and go through it.

Sometimes I dont get the point why people can be so demanding toward relationship. Sometimes I dont get the point how they change their partner too often.I’m being doubtful on it.Okay, I actually got no discrimination or prejudice towards people who have many love experience or get into lots of relationship before.But, I was just wondering.About the compatibility.Different people have different thoughts.Just like how one of my friend actually have like 15 times or more than that love relationships where the longest last for like one year,and the shortest for days.I’m not being offensive but I just done get the point how and why.

You know like sometimes she said you just need to throw in and give it a try.Else you’ll never know.Is like there is a guy who come approached her, if she is available that time, and she think that the guy is not too bad and worth trying, they are in a relationship.FAST. I mean I never afraid of giving it a try,but not this way.

I really wanna get into a relationship, but seriously not this kind of try and error.

Not to say it’s kinda waste of time, it’s also hurts, alot.this is the main point indeed.

when it comes to academic I often feeling unsure about myself,I’m being doubtful.

But when it comes to feelings and love,I believed my instinct assure me more than I could expected.There are sometimes when I couldnt sure of what should I do,there are certain moments where I feel like giving it a try, that’s when my instinct made the decision for me,so, i stepped back, and wait.

I dont wanna get into a relationship for the sake of fun/loneliness/peer pressure/sudden crush. I dont want it to be that way.

Somestimes,I’m afraid of.It;s okay and acceptable with me when you’re trying to flirt or putting each other into an ambiguous situation to try out that response.But then,somehow, to some extend i feel awkward about it I dunno what/how to response.Till then,I’m just goona keep a distance or act cool toward that particular person.Its some sort of self protection but sorry to say I dont wanan lose a friend.so yah.

Sometimes,I just dont get it why there are always some certainty that put me and a guy into an ambiguous situation which made me breathless and I dont knwo how to handle it.It feels awkward. I mean I can chat/ talk alot with a guy but it doesnt mean we’re all clicked.It just doesnt happens.For certain guys.Instead, I wouldnt have talk much and being talkative in front of someone i’m crushed. I’m feeling shy and talk-less.

i think i had mentioned bout this for trillions times,but I’m gonna repeat it again.

I dont really take love at first sight, or more precisely, I just doesnt believe it.

Just like how some people believed in fairy tales, but i partially believe in it. It’s on my It’s Me page under my header.

I mean if it is meant to be, there will always be sparks.The chemical reaction will occurs.It will just happens.as the saying goes, true love comes when you least expected it.

For me,

To fall in love means I have a strong adrenaline rush toward him,only him

To fall in love means my heart beat faster than normal I almost feel the pressure of being breathless.

To fall in love means searching for him around and cant take my eyes off him.

To fall in love means I’m looking at him while I was talking to the others.

To fall in love means I’m trying to be calm while deep inside jealous max when some hot/pretty chicks approach him.

To fall in love means I’m indulging myself in front of him so that he cares and worries about me.

To fall in love means I’m smiling all day long thinking of him.

To fall in love means he’s the one that appear in my mind before I go to bed.

To fall in love means he’s the one I wanna wish Good Morning once I woke up in the morning.

To fall in love means he cures all my tiredness and emoness when he cuddles me.

To fall in love means I’m feeling happy inside when he scold me for small little things.

To fall in love means I’m willing to spend one month before thinking about giving him a meanigful birthday celebration.

To fall in love means he’s the one who makes me fall in love just by looking into his eyes.

To fall in love means I’ll fall for him over and over again for million reasons.

To fall in love means I’ll love every bit of him but I dont know how it does.

To fall in love means I’ll feel all comfort and loved when he is by my side.

To fall in love means I’ll feel secure when he comfort me that everything will be okay.

To fall in love means I’ll still feel loved though we doing nothing by just sitting side by side and talked.

To fall in love means I’ll set him some certain freedom and some DO’s and DON’T ‘s, so do him.

I means, to fall in love, to let all these happen,all it need is that particular person.It’s not that I’m being choosy or picky,I’m not. Its just that when he is the one, he is. He is meant to be.We’re meant to be. That’s the fate.That's how it works.As if it is not, it is not.No matter how much I try to convince myself to give it a try,it will never works.Till then,it hurts.

I really dont like getting into those kind of ambiguous situation. So,please dont get me in.If we’re crushed.Make things clear.If we are not,let it go and we’ll still make good friends.Being frank to me and yourself,and we shall get an answer for it.No guessing needed,no endless sleepless night thinking about it.We just need to make things clear.

Eventhough I was really confused, trust me, I know exactly what I was getting myself into.

I don’t know what else is there to say anymore and I’ve written what I felt and feel as objectively and as honestly as I could here. I’m certainly not looking for sympathy, nor am I seeking for approval.

Great.Done.I applause you if you read every single word I wrote coz’ even me myself dont bother read back to check of if there are any spelling mistakes.

thank you with ♥

Till then,what kind of relationships are you treasuring?

And yet,how do you find out that you actually fall for him?

And being sure by yourself he is the one? Or you two are meant for each other?

I understands you need to get deeper into the relationships to understand more,I understands that relationships is about passion,compassionate,compatibility,loyalty,sense of security,compromising each other and so much more.

I mean,how? do we actually know that we are ready for that relationship?

How we actually know that it’s not a crush and we really wanna be with that particular person?

The One and The Only that cherish your life.

How?

I need some ideas.

Cheers,

中秋节。快乐

2010-09-22T22:55:00.002+08:00

这个中秋节，没有很快乐。

早上带着昏昏沉沉的心情去上课。

然后，心情和天空一样，灰灰的。

到图书馆找资料，2个多小时，竟然一无所获。

我觉得也许我需要习惯一下，这种，付出的努力并不一定有相等回报的日子。这个世界，本来，就没有很公平。

打雷声就是倾盆大雨的预兆。我，真的真的很不喜欢打雷。不喜欢。

但是，却被人当做幼稚。我不认同。喜欢毛毛熊，不喜欢打雷，不代表我幼稚。

毛毛熊是一种习惯喜欢，打雷是一种习惯恐慌。

比方说，一个身材魁梧的人很怕蟑螂壁虎，那他算不算幼稚？不是对不对？

（还有，我根本不怕这些被人比喻为可恶的昆虫，所以，我只能说，每个人的弱点不一样。）

结果，下雨就会变得很狼狈。手里拿着雨伞也没有帮很大的忙咯。裤脚，书，鞋，还有包包，全部都有湿咯。可怜的我们。

图书馆附近的地段还有淹水的迹象。真的有够力。

下雨 + 感冒 = 生病。才刚好，又来。真是！

去上课在lecture hall 里冷到我结冰咯！还一直打喷嚏。

然后发现我的roommate回家过中秋。哎！真羡慕咯。就莫名其妙的变得更没有心情，伤感。

我记得我的中秋节是，明知到海边塞车塞到乱，还要去的日子。

我记得我的中秋节是，到海边吹风，点蜡烛，提灯笼。放孔明灯的日子。

我记得我的中秋节是，到海边放鞭炮(不要学），和你们一起吃冰的日子。

我记得我的中秋节是，看着大大小小，家家户户，双双对对的人，赏月吃月饼的日子。

:-( :-( :-( :-( MAX. EMO MAX

可不可以让自己颓废的放纵？可不可以让自己纵容那多余的伤感？不可以。

所以？

读书有看没有懂，找资料又找没有，做assignment 有做没有完，结果？

听歌咯。还有？

做一些无聊的事。

我记得以前在家如果心情不好，我会找本书/文章来抄。很无聊对不对？

就像这样。

有很怀念我的书桌。;-(

酱现在没有书，没有文章，做么咧？

抄歌词，有够无聊。够力。

一大堆东西没有做，在这里做无聊的事，说无聊的废话。

(懒惰调色光，随便啦，反正没有人看。字写得越来越难看。够力。)

我第一次，像现在这样，这么的想回家。有很想哭，本来靠诉自己应该坚强的把眼泪忍了下来。

太多的眼泪只会让自己在别人面前显得懦弱。但是，今天例外。今天眼睛不乖，眼泪不听话。

尤其刚刚跟我mummy 还有契妈通电话话，才发现，我很想回家。坐在饭桌前，吃一顿简单平凡的饭。

还有看到很多人在faceook post 跟家人吃饭，提灯笼，点蜡烛的照片，更加感触。

叫他们陪我去中秋晚会他们又不要去。结果，就窝在房里想太多咯。没有人陪，去了也没有意思咯。

这个中秋节，很孤单。

这个中秋节，不快乐。

祝你们，中秋节快乐。

解释。误会；爱情。友情

2010-09-21T23:48:00.002+08:00

我有话想说。等我讲完，我就要继续拼我的assignment 了。

我不知道别人怎么想，但是我，很懒惰解释。

我，不喜欢，解释。

但是，这样，会被人误会。

就比如有些时候，你的出发点和善意被扭曲，你很伤感，很无奈。就算解释，别人也不会理会。反而会越描越黑。

就如我之前讲过的，相信你的人不需要你的解释，因为他们相信你。而否决你的人更不需要你的解释，因为他们不值得。无论你花再大的努力与心思，他们永远，不懂你。

就比如你跟一个异性朋友很谈得来，但不代表你们会怎样。虽然如此，就是很懒惰解释。

就如我常讲的，特别对一个人好，不代表我喜欢他。有人对我特别的好，我们特别谈得来，也不代表他对我有感觉。

我，珍惜，别人对我的好。所以，你的好，我很珍惜。我会傻傻的，加倍对你好。

这并不表示我们会怎样。到底是我不敢奢望太多，不敢期望太高，还是我自己自私的放纵，让我莫名其妙的想太多？

也许现在不怎么样，以后可能会怎么样。我不知道。

就算我们以后会一起，就算以后我们只是朋友，又如何？

我不敢把话说得太明确，更不敢笃定地说我们不会怎样。

时间，是最好的解释。

我觉得友情，是一天一点慢慢培养出来的，就如有些人一开始你看他很不爽，但是认识久了，混熟了，你们慢慢变得很要好，甚至形影不离。

但是爱情，是那一瞬间的火花，是那一刹那的心跳加速，让我肯定自己的感觉。

有些人，包括我在内，都对感情有一份执著，一份要求，一份憧憬。

我说过，有些人，无论你们再要好，永远只会是朋友。

有些人，你们对彼此很有感觉，但是就是不会在一起。

有些朋友，无论相隔多久，你们还是会联络，还是会偶尔想起对方。虽然见面少了，但是一见面还是可以说个不停。

有些花，永远不会结果。

有些人，只能远远眺望。

还是我已经习惯默默喜欢，总是找不到那个可以给我勇气坚持下去的人？

还是我已经慢慢开始相信，一个人的生活比较快乐？

我想说的是，也许你还没有遇到。当你遇到那个让你心跳加速，小鹿乱撞的人时，那些之前所谓的条件，根本不会在你的考量里。

就比如你告诉自己，我以后的对象一定要很帅，很浪漫，很有钱，很宠我。

我想说的是，没有绝对完美的感情。真的没有。完美的感情是经营出来的。是彼此的互相体谅。是彼此的互相包容。这样的爱情，才能长久，才能延续下去。

我，要这样的感情。

我不需要你很浪漫，我不需要你天天给我惊喜，我不需要你每次迁就我，我不需要你花大钱买很贵的礼物哄我开心。真的不需要。

但是我想要你偶尔让我嗲你一下，我想要你让我偶尔无理取闹一下，我想要你在我很无奈想哭的时候出现，我想要你在打雷下大雨我睡不着时陪我聊天。就这样。

我并没有要很依赖，但是有你在，我不需要把我自己照顾得很好，因为有你，会在我生病时提醒我吃药，会在我顽皮淋雨后骂我，会在半夜催我快点去睡觉。

我可以很独立，但是偶尔还是想要你听我诉苦一下。虽然对你而言，我在意的可能很小事，但是还是希望你可以耐心地听我讲完我想说的话。

不介意我的无聊，不介意被我烦，不介意为了陪我走街，不跟朋友去看戏。不介意偶尔把我看得比朋友更重要。只要偶尔就好。

还有，在你心疼我时，抱我一下。在我想哭时，让我靠一下。不需要很多的甜言蜜语，但是，在我想你是，告诉我你也有想我。在我想听时，说我爱你。在我临睡前，跟我说晚安。真的这样就够了。

偶尔被你管一下，但是听不听由我作决定。

被自己喜欢的人管，是一种甜蜜；被自己喜欢的人唠叨，是一种幸福。

这种幸福，很简单，很难。

这种甜蜜，才是我想要的幸福。

最简单，最难拥有的幸福。

如果你遇到了，记得无论放生什么事，都不要放手。

因为这个他，可能一辈子只会遇见一次。

因为这辈子，可能只有这个他，肯这样为你。

我需要你的支持来肯定我的坚持。

我需要你的肯定来确定我的选择。

我，在等那个瞬间的火花。我，在等那个给我勇气的人。

Blogs is ♥

2010-09-20T00:04:00.001+08:00

i couldnt resist looking at my previous lousy messy blog entry especially pic that remind me about my short hair.*criess* I want my long hair back.T_T.One thing very tedious about girls is that when they have long hair they wanna cut it short,But right after they cut it,they regretted and want their long hair back.

so I’m gonna do some random updates.

Random means I just type what comes into my mind now.

Err, was ~~wasting~~ spending/using all my brain juices over Java Programming for the whole afternoon goddammit *feels stupid*

okay wait. come back later. skype with the girls first ♥

alright.i’m back.

Okay,what comes into my mind was nothing = empty and I dont really know what to write.

But when i comes across my mind again,i know i’m writing something.

That’s the power of blogging ♥.

Okay,let’s talk about blogging.

I always think blogging is one of the best way people could express themselves.

Leave alone whether anyone read your blog or not,this is one of the best way you could really be yourself.You can really voice out what you dont dare to in your daily life, you can express your emotional thoughts or your deep thinking here when you think no body can really understands what you mean or how you feel.Just write it out.And it actually makes you,or at least me feel better.

Not to say that no body could understands,but seriously blogging does make me feel better. Is like suddenly some shitty things happened in the middle of the night and I’m all threw up,I get emo all over myself, I dont feel like talking to anyone,but at least i feel like blogging.Leave alone whether you publish your post or not,at least you write and express yourself.Else you are going crazy sooner or later.

I think I mentioned before but nevermind I’m gonna mention again.Blogging is not about how awesome you can write,blogging is not about how good your english is,blogging is not about how bombastic your words are.Blogging is about sharing and caring.Blogging is about expressing.Blogging is about connecting each other. And most important thing is that how your content actually makes people wonder,how your words touched my heart without me realizing it. That’s the power of language.That’s the power of blogging ♥

I was once ever thought of stop blogging. Of so many ups and downs and I dont feel like writing anymore.I feel distracted when people think I’m overreacted.People think that I’m trying to show off. People intends to be harsh over me or my blog.People start wondering why the hell do I actually blog about my emotions and my feelings when I can actually look for someone and talk about it. Not that I'm deaf or dumb why do i need to blog? damn harsh and mean right?! And people also wondering why i got so much shits to write.Like people always wondering how come I have tones of endless things to write.To be honest,I also dont know.I just write what comes into ny mind.Just like that. No plagiarism and all.

But still,I ♥ blogging,a lot,no doubt.

And learn not to care about what people think about me and my blog.Not to say not to care,more precisely,learn to take it easy when it comes to some mean and negative feedback.Just like how sometimes when you said something with different intonations it actually brings up different meanings.Just like there are always something you dont mean it,and people might misunderstood and think it the other way round.

“A lot of the things we say and do can be misinterpreted. Tiny little things we do or say that we don't notice, might offend other people. We can't do anything about it.They can choose to be offended or choose to let it go but unfortunately, a lot of people cannot let things go. All we can do is hold on to our own integrity and refuse to ive up our own principles. ”’quoted by a friend.

Yah.so this is it

When i visits those famous blogger’s blog, I see more harsh and mean comments.I dont understand lah. I mean if you dont really like that particular blogger,why the hell did you pay back the visit and read her/his blog again and yet leave a harsh comment? seriously no point. I mean there are always asshole who are forever being an asshole because they are either jealous at people’s life coz their life sucks or they really too free got nothing to do.

And this is my/his/her blog. I repeat, MY blog.Is my right to write what i want and how I feel. Not that i’m being action or harsh towards the others but i mean if you dont like just leave instead of showing anger to other people and ruined all the mood.That makes life easier,isnt it?

when do I start blogging? hmphhh i actually signed up for an account when i was 15 but shit loads got no internet at home and so many other reasons.I actually active on blogging when I was in Form 6 where almost every of them have blog. So yah. Peer pressure.But now,some of them no longer blog.sad case.I got less blog to read.

Do I read blog? YES,tonnes of blogs.

Dont believe? see? Now you guys understands why I never have links in my blog.Coz’ its too many to be added one by one.

I read all these.almost 100 of it.

Leave alone those who didnt update their blog,as long as they update,I read.Dont grumble and wonder why i didnt link you up k! ♥.

What do I usually blog?

I used to blog about how i feel about a guy and the crush over him all over the blog and afterward found out that that;s kinda funny and silly and nonsense.Anyway,that’s part of life. Part of the experience.

I used to blog about daily food and studies which still appear in my blog now once in awhile,whenever I feel like writing it.But have to admit,I’m not good in writing it.It makes my blog looked so bored.

I used to blog about my family and friends and this is the big part of my life.Now i still do. I like to jot down all the precious moments that I spent with them. ♥

If you blogged since ages, try to read back your previous entries oen by one if you have time. No matter how suck/good it is. It brings back memories. ♥.

And then makes me realized,we can never be the same as yesterday.Never. And from there,I actually learn to grow, learn to think better,learn to appreciate more.

And now, I blog more about my thoughts, my feelings, my life.

And the biggest part of my blog is about my feelings. About how I feel. How i see things in life,not by eyes, by heart. . ♥

How I feel about little tiny things.and all my random thoughts like now.

To follow your instinct or to follow your heart? Both,because you instinct speaks for your heart.♥

I created a poll on what do you guys wanna read on my blog. And fortunately no one clicked on “The clumsiness”and “The Suay Things” LOL. but I can forsee more post in that category coming up. What to do. Good luck never be with me one. Or,more precisely, NOT YET.

and wtf why so many people interested about my Love Story? or you all actually like more on The Feelings? Which one more? .♥

Till then,do you enjoy blogging?

And Why do you blog? .♥

Holiday ended

2010-09-18T22:26:00.002+08:00

okay currently blogging in hostel. Staying in the room that feel so creepy to stay alone on this holiday season while the others are not back yet.Not that I want to come back this early but I’m forced to coz Sunday bus ticket are all sold out. At first i was thinking of that my parents will send me back but ended up the plan changed so yah. So fortunate that Joanne was here since yesterday so i got someone to accompany with.♥

And seriously sucks here and moody here leaving the wonderland aka hometown and back to the place where no one belonged.

Get back to the room with the dust all over, alone.

Cleaning the room,alone.

And so many mosquitoes around.

And writing with a sucks grammar and sucks mood and feeling guilty of not studying. Gonna do that in a bit else my life is either all sucked up or screwed up later on.

And feeling hungry and grumpy for not taking lunch.

Fortunately,not eating alone.Which i hate the most. You know like sometimes how i hate feeling lonely eating by myself and there is no one to talk with to an extend i rather not to eat,which is not very healthy to be true.

At least still have someone to accompany for food ♥ burp~~

And feeling guilty for not studying yet holiday mode is not totally turned off so ended up playing with the not so nice hair. ♥

it was so fluffy and all mess up i dont think you will see me in hair of very often from now on. Gotta tight it up and wait till my hair to grow and be long again.Which takes around 2-3 months,at least T_T.*criess* what to do, split end screwed up my hair.so yah.

Trying to straighten it in abit else life are all f*cked up with this not so nice and mood spoiling hair.

lightning here is bad so yah the picture taken is awful as well. Or maybe the person is moody so the picture ended up to be ugly. Or the person is ugly so is nothing to do with the mood and the light.

Actually,not that i’m not satisfy with it, just that maybe when you are not in the mood, everything goes wrong.

Like as said in Murphy’s Law, everything that wanna goes wrong will goes wrong *deepsigh*

Holiday finally ended. I miss my mummy fresh made fruit juice already T_T *need hugs*

So i hereby declare that holiday mode turned off and study mode shall be turned on. yah,SHALL.LOL *tsk*

okay lah. that’s it.So lazy to write. Wait till i got my writing mood and my inspirations.

Till then.

勇气

2010-09-16T00:09:00.002+08:00

放弃和坚持一样需要勇气。

那哪个需要比较多的勇气？

如果你有放弃的勇气，为什么不勇敢地坚持下去？

如果你有拒绝的勇气，为什么不勇敢的一起走下去？

我以为，只要我坚持我的立场，只要我们相信，我们就可以更好。

我以为，我们已经慢慢走进彼此的世界里。

我以为，我们已经慢慢住进彼此的心里。

也许，我们只是习惯彼此的存在。

也许，我们永远只可以是朋友。

也许，那块灰色地带只是我们的想象空间。

也许，那些感觉并不真实，是我想太多。

我们的故事，还没开始，就已经结束。

所以，它并没有值得伤心地方。

磨练，是你我都无法避免的。

距离，是我们都不想要的。

也许，我的自私你的坚决是对的。

所以，我们没有在一起。

也许，这样的感情，还比较坚固。

所以，这样的我们，比较要好。

是时候轻轻地放下，慢慢的淡忘。

慢慢发现，原来，已经放下了。原来，并没有很在乎。

风，它吹过了。

落叶的自由，是风的追踪，还是树的不挽留？

那风的自由，是云的呼唤，还是落叶的催促？

外婆家

2010-09-15T00:05:00.001+08:00

摇啊摇，摇到外婆桥~~

很久都没回去了。

很怀念你们骑车带我到处瞎逛的日子。

很怀念不用戴头盔，无法无天，自由自在的日子。

很怀念你们全部迁就我，让我的日子。

很怀念想吃龙眼就到门前树下摘来吃的日子。那些日子的水果，特别的甜。

很怀念大热天气，站在门旁等着舅舅开椰子喝的日子。那些日子的椰水和椰肉，特别的滑，特别的顺口。

很怀念那些现抓，现煮，现吃的新鲜海鲜。

很怀念外婆一边唠唠叨叨，一边煮晚餐的那个背影。

很怀念那吃饭时间，全部人围在饭桌前热闹的画面。

很怀念那张黄黄旧旧的木椅子。

很怀念那公鸡在早晨的啼叫声。

很怀念被你们欺负，或者欺负你们的日子。

很怀念过年时，大人们搓麻将的清脆声。

很怀念过年时，明知鞭炮不能放，还放一整晚的日子。噼里啪啦的，很好听。

很怀念过年时，小孩们围在一起玩牌，说话，看戏的日子。

还有很多，都很怀念。

很怀念屋下的那张自制的摇篮椅，是我们多少个无聊下午的陪伴。

很怀念站在那片空地上，看着自己的影子。

很怀念大热天，热到半死，还硬撑着跟你们到处跑，结果回来个个陪我挨骂。

很怀念那个坐在你们脚踏车后面到处兜风的日子。

很讨厌自己怎么也学不会骑脚踏车，但却很高兴永远都有你们愿意载我。

还有很多说不完的怀念。

我们成长了，我们不一样了，我们不联络了，我们各自有着自己的生活了。

是生活环境，是家庭背景，是距离，是时间让我们渐渐疏远了。

希望你们都很好。你们永远有我的祝福。

The tragic of Life

2010-09-14T01:42:00.002+08:00

okay at first I thought of titled this entry as “Death” but then I dont wanna make it sounds so sad.

Err, today, I learnt that life is fragile and tragic.You know like how life always being so unpredictable and unexpected.

Like there are always things that we can expect, there are always things that we wanna achive, there are always things that we wanna gain in our life. Like how I always expect the unexpected since I’m so well known for the clumsiness and the suay-ness LOL.Like how people always have things/targets/aims to be reached at certain level of age/ certain stage of life.

But what I wanna say is like when you are so close to death it really makes me wonder. Do all that really worth it?

There is something considered kinda sad happened this afternoon that makes me really wonder. The uncle next door just passed away. Not that I’m being real close to him but them it just makes me wonder. Err, as an incidence, i guess.

Not that I never get/ attend to any funeral before but somehow maybe at different stage of life it makes you wonder more and think from a different perspectives and see the situations from different angles.

The last time my dad side grandfather passed away when I was still kid. The latest death to be gone through was went my mum side grandfather passed away which i was 15. I still remembered all the scenes, it couldnt be any clearer than this, especially there are always things that brought up the memoirs and the inner feelings.

I remembered the day when i came back from school feeling weird. You know sometimes how girls said 6th sense/ instinct actually does exist. And then my dad start nagging us to pack our clothes for 3 days( then you should know what happened) we gonna rush to Pekan for the funeral. Feeling real sad couldnt managed to see him at last and when we reached, he was placed in the coffin neatly by the person incharged.Only mummy manage to see him at last. we feel real sad. But no tears, YET. And then the younger kids who knew nothing bout death feel damn happy seeing so many of the relatives coming back and playing around. That’s the scene I remembered the most. It makes contra. Like how the elder one gone and how the newborn live to the life.

And got annoyed coz my granpa has 2 wives( anyhow he only married one after the previous one passed away). But somehow, conflicts did happens. And now, we no longer mixing up or touch up with the relatives from the 1st wife. not to say totally lost contact,still keep in touch, but not that close anymore.

And skipped all the long winded details, the last day, we cried, so badly, finally. I dont know how the tradition supposed to be but one thing i do remembered is that we need to walk in bare feet sending him to the grave where he supposed to be buried.

Okay i’m gonna skip all the details cant afford myself bringing up all the negative thoughts and seriously dont wanna put myself in a moody mode.And I know i might cry.So yah. move on

What really makes me wonder is life is so tragic and fragile. Is like people always wonder why do we need to born, live and die? Is like people also always afraid of death.Not to say that i’m not afraid to, but maybe i havent reach that level/stage of life that makes me feel so.

Is like you go through every stage of your life with different experience. And even at the same age/same family/same environment, we are experiencing life in a different way. An unique way,indeed. for eg, my fifteen is definitely not gonna be the same as your fifteen, we met different kind of people, we have different thoughts, we gone through different things,and that’s what make us today, every single unique person.

And FATE. I do believed in it. Is like how I always believe people are fated to meet up, fated to become a family, fated to study together,fated to fall in love with each other and so on.Just like how I always hold my believe, just like how I always stay strong to my principle and try not to go against it. Just like how I always wanna be friend to everyone and not to make any enemy.Being less defensive and less calculative and learn to be tolerate and compromise more. try to be nice and dont offend anyone indirect/directly.Just like how I always remind myself to be appreciative and still learning on how to do it. grumble less and appreciates more.And always being optimistic by seeing things positively in the worst situation. I’m still not good enough anyhow.

It’s all about FATE.Fate brought me and you together.

There are some people who spent their whole life treasured for something and at the end realized that it worth nothing. There are some people who hold on too much and realized their life could be better if they ever learn how to let go. There are some people who made a wrong decision and thinking too hard over it and feeling regret.You dont know how long you could live. You dont know how much time you can waste for nothing.Life is too fragile and too short to be wasted that way.

I dont want my life to be that way. Hence, I’m working hard towards a better life that I could achieved. Not to say that i will definitely succeed, but at least , make a try and make no regrets.People never learnt that a mistake aint a mistake any more as long as you learn something/ gain a lesson from it. The mistake worth it all somehow.Never afraid to make mistake, not to say that i’m being humble(i’m not), but at least, always willing to learn, that makes your life simplier and easier.And always learn to be loving and more caring, that makes life less complicated.

Actually this entry are all mess up I couldnt really express myself precisely in words.Told yah my english sucks.I’m lack of vocab now. T_T. I dunno how to describe and I dunno what to write. Just a lil bit of self express i guess.

I’m not feeling sad or emo, just abit of random thought.

Night people. have a nice day ahead.

Genting Highlands

2010-09-13T14:45:00.002+08:00

Okay actually i got nothing to write and dunno what to blog i just dont wanna keep my blog in a down down mood so i just gonna do some quick updates.

err,out of so many tourist spot in Malaysia i think Genting Highlands is the place that i went most. I always wanna go travel more but what to do I have to work triple hard to save money before I could really make all this happens.

And as if you ask me, seriously i feel so reluctant to go Genting Highlands especially with my parents. Not to say that i dont like going travel with them but i think Genting is not a nice place indeed.You know like how people can become so ignorant and spent their ~~whole life~~ whole trip/time on the roulette table or in the casino. So pathetic and meaningless right.Not to say if you won some bet (which the probabilities are very low,maybe once in a blue moon), if you lose, there gone all your vacation mood and there gone your money.

So yah. err, that’s how gamble and casino always brought up arguments and fights. i dont like it. *sigh*

And this time i seriously dont feel like going but i have to go coz i got a medical appointment with the doctor at KL for the med follow up of my surgery, so yah. but ended up the appointments are all booked so i couldnt make it. FML.

And i couldnt consider this trip worst coz i always have something worst beyond. Told yah good things never be with me.

At first we the whole family thought of going but after that all the conflicts happened and ended me and mummy are the only one going. And meeting up her friends and family at there.

I loves kids to an extend seriously I could spent whole day with them without feeling bored or tired.Is like i really loves kids so damn much i ever thought of becoming a teacher or something related to kids but later on found out i have some other interest and being a teacher is such a tough job as kids nowadays are so damn hard to be teach and being a teacher need to take in all the burden and pressure which i dont wanna pressure my life that way so here gone the thought.

but FML max i met the naughty kid this time and i’m forced to become baby sitter. FML max.

You know kids are actually kinda cute and adorable but somehow they are kinda annoying and mood spoiling when they are being too indulged and keep making noises ~~and keep pulling your hair wtf~~.

err, all the parents are getting into the casino so i have to take good care of the 2 little kids which at first i was kinda happy coz i got nthg to do but damn regret afterward.

I dont get it why their parents spoil their kids so damn much they are being so possessive and unreasonable to an extend you feel like slapping them loh. (kidding). And i was being nice and compromise and not calculative by thinking that I shouldnt mind coz they are just kids and on the other hand i always stay over at their place when i was outside campus so i learnt to be appreciative lah.

But then, you can totally see how’s one characteristics loh. Is like the elder brother keep on bullying the younger brother and the younger one is being so nice. Awww..

And 2 of this kiddo spent RM 200 in a day playing all over OMG.like how?

At first everything are fine and nice and happy.

But the elder bro damn annoying he dont allowed his bro to play the games he liked. He want people to follow his will and cannot go against his will. damn demanding. wtf.Is like the younger bro want to play roller coaster and he want to play bumper car he keep telling the younger one roller coaster not nice, and try to scare him by saying it’s damn dangerous and we ended up playing bumper car.

the younger one is cuter and nicer . ♥ ♥ ♥

And the elder bro is so spoiling he keep on complaining that i’m not good enough for being a accompanier and say something like , play with you also not nice wan!!! and somemore tell his younger bro, use all the money lah, daddy pay already mah, WTF.

and took of his bro herbal eggs while he already ate 2 . damn spoiling can! and ask me to tapau McD for him after we are in the hotel room waiting for the parents for dinner. FML. have to go all the way from Hotel Highlands to First World just to buy food for him FML max. and he actually took 1 Mc Chicken and 2 Fillet O’Fish. like how?? OMG.which cost like RM 50.yes,now I know how expensive things in Genting.

and smack my head twice and nose once on the basketball thingie during video games session.and the most important thing is look at me with an innocent eyes and never apologize *aihh damn soft-hearted cannot angry at him* and played till 12 am also dont want go back while the younger one already yawning non stop.And keep complaining that he want a soft toys for redemption when the points are not enough.Keep explaining to him but failed to make him understand.FML. *sigh*

Anyway, i’m not anyone to judge who are they or what.they choose their life and the way they wanna be.

And ohya,mummy met another friends with their family there during dinner.And the uncle order 9 dishes OMG and pay with cash with that dinner that cost RM 500++. The son went to Australia at age of 16 and the daughter now at age of 17 driving a Harrier and going overseas to study too. *damn envious* and the two little twin girls of that family keep mumbling at their dad saying that they dont wanna go Korea this year for annual vacation.(coz they claimed that every year also vacation at overseas is boring) FML FML.*deeepsighhh*

Why people never learn to be appreciative wan?

argh. fine. dont wanna continue with this topic else it will brings out the negative me in anytime.

That’s it.

Hope

2010-09-11T21:03:00.000+08:00

I’m still typing every single words here although my blog is privatized.

One day, when all the wind blows off, and the issues are down, I’m making my blog public again.

I cannot stop you people from reading it.But, I hope, from here. I grow and gain the lessons.

By the time when my blog is in public again, I hope, this is no longer an issues.

I fall real hard this time, and I gained my lessons.

Tears make you a weaker person. Tears makes people doubt you more.Tears makes people who hates you think you are such a hypocrites.So I learned, never tears in front of the haters. Or more or less, never let them know you cried.

I privatized doesn’t mean I stop blogging.

After all, I realized I didn’t need someone to comment on my blog, just like I always said.

As I always said, blogging is about keeping memories, is about jotting down the feelings and every single things that happened to my life that I thing worth remember, no matter good or bad.

If the people are here in my space feeling bad about my words, I’m sorry to say, I don’t mean that.

If you guys think that I’m the only one who being accusing and trying to gain sympathy from every words I said here,you guys are wrong.

I always wanna disclaimed what people think about me when it come to uncertainties.

I’m not angry when you thought I am. I’m sad. I’m envious. I’m trying so hard to mix well with the people around so that we could really make good friends and being a nice part and having good memories in each other’s life.

But I fail, so badly.

Perhaps, I’m trying too hard. Still hoping and praying hard to be part of you all when I no there is no more hope.

Still lying to myself that people doesn’t dislike me and still really want to mix up with them.

I didn’t fake myself. but instead, more precisely, I hope to be part of the community that I hope I can.

I just want to feel belongings.

I’m sorry if my words ever hurts you so bad,

I’m sorry if my actions ever bring you so much anger,

I’m not faking nor pretending. I’m hoping.

Blogging is about expression. It express how you feel for the moments, and it brought you up or down.

I remain silence this time because I want to shut things down.

I don’t like to be an big issue where everybody is talking about.

We made mistakes. I do too.

I’m trying my very best to be the best I can be.Reducing the weaknesses, and let the strength grow stronger.

I’m not saying that I didn’t make a mistake. I did.

So, I reflected myself, and now I know what people dislike about me.

So, I reminded myself, I’m not doing good enough coz I didn’t get enough lessons.

And this time, I fall so badly.

And I just need to remind myself, Life moves on no matter how. It’s so sickening putting myself into all those emoness and indulge myself getting in such a emotional person.

Such a loser I am.

So, I learned.

And by the time I public my blog again, I’ll only treasure happy moments in my life.

For all the sadness and obstacles that I have, I’m going to keep inside.

God know I grew.

That’s more than enough.

秘密

2010-09-11T01:32:00.002+08:00

我觉得是我自己太没用，太容易被人看穿，还是我从来就不懂的掩饰，别人总能轻而易举的把我猜透。

从来我就不太懂得隐藏自己，当然不包括别人告诉我的秘密在内。

我可以很好的替你保守秘密和隐私，但是对于我自己的，我却很坦白。

我没有秘密，只要他们肯问，在对的时间，对的地点，对的心情和立场，我很乐意分享。我的快乐，我的伤悲，我的起起落落，我的思想，我的以前过去，我的未来憧憬，我的心意对象，我的家庭朋友，我都很乐意回答。所以，你们懂我，你们了解我。所以，我没有秘密。

当然，我慢慢学会为自己保留一点点的地线和隐私。太赤裸裸和坦诚地将自己呈现在你们面前的自己，太容易被识破和受伤害。

朋友说，我很容易懂，我真的很容易明白，我从来不懂得掩饰对你的喜欢或讨厌。

我从来就不懂得隐藏我的喜怒哀乐，我的表情可以代表我的一切。

我从来就不懂得在我不喜欢的时候微笑和表现得体，但是，我发现，这是残酷的现实。

我们必须学会在伪装下学习强颜欢笑的恶心，这是无可避免的。

我们必须学会在痛苦伤心时不轻易掉眼泪，眼泪不是你的秘密武器，它是让别人更瞧不起你的工具。

我们必须学会在适当的时候掩饰事实的真相，因为太丑陋的事实，并不是每一个人都可以接受。

从来我就只想真心地对待别人，但是有的时候，太过善良就会莫名奇秒的被人家欺负，爬在头上。

我不懂，为什么那些人不懂得珍惜别人对你们的好？

我不懂，为什么太善良的人注定被人欺负?

我不明白，为什么当你很乐于帮助他人时，得到的却是被人更多的使唤?

我并不是在说我自己很好，但是至少，我们不要在被人落难时，袖手旁观。

至少，如果你不帮忙，也请你别雪上加霜。

我了解，我懂，人会随着环境而改变，

我明白，我了，人会随着时间而不同。

还有，我真的很看不过眼那些自以为自己有几分丑钱就在哪里狐假虎威的人。

尤其是那种有钱人家的小孩，我不是说全部，但是，有些小孩的性格，就是父母亲的溺爱所造成的。

说真的，有时候，我会很羡慕，就不如那不知天高地厚的小孩16岁就被父母送出国读书；18岁拿车牌就买一辆LAMBOCHINI 给他驾，一年至少出国旅行一次，这种生活，谁不想要?

但是再认真想想，这样的生活，这样的方式，这样的自己，真的有比较好吗？

就如我常说的，我需要时间适应，我还在揣摩人与人之间的相处模式，我发现，我没有办法用我对好朋友的方式来对待我刚认识的新朋友。并不是说他们不好，只是我们对彼此不了解，所以，我不能预设别人可以接受我的这样的相处方式。

就比如他们重来不会介意我的打打闹闹，他们从来不在乎我的唧唧咋咋，因为他们懂。

我了解到我没有可能用一套方式对待全部人。对于不同的人，秉持着不同的态度和心态。

并不代表我虚伪，也不是我贪心，我并没有想把事情做得面面俱到，

也不是因为我胆小，我并没有抱着多一事不如少一事的心态，

从来我就不怕朋友带来的麻烦，我很乐意伸出手，但是这必须建设在你我坦诚的心房里。

就比如我的真心，它很脆弱，她需要你的关怀与珍惜来延续下去。

你有你的星球，我有我的宇宙，我有我的立场，你有你的想法，只要彼此不厌倦，只要彼此肯花一点点的心思据了解，事情会变得简单得多。

我想说的是，如果少一点伪装，少一点掩饰，多一点真心，多一点坦诚，这个世界应该会很美好。

我想说的是，其实快乐很简单。

朋友

2010-09-09T01:54:00.002+08:00

我不知道其他人怎么想，但对我而言，朋友很重要。真的很重要。除却家人在我心目中的位置，朋友，是我一向很珍惜的。

我常讲，人要懂得知足，就比如我常提醒自己，珍惜别人对你的好，因为那不是必然的，更不是理所当然的。

我很珍惜，和你们相处的日子。

因为有你们的存在，提醒了我，我的世界可以很美好。

因为有你们，我的世界因此而色彩。

只要在你们的面前，只有和你们相处的时候，我才不会感到迷失，我才不会否决自己，我才能够卸下我的防御和伪装，真正的做我自己。

只有你们，才能让我感受到我还是我，那个最初，最真挚，我最想保存的自己。

离开后我才发现，我很爱很爱你们。

有你们的日子，真好。

也许，这辈子，我再也不会遇到像你们这么好的一群朋友。

也许，这辈子，我再也不会遇到像你们这么了解我的人。

也许，这辈子，我再也不会遇到像你们这么包容和体贴我的人。

我发现，我们渐渐在成长，我们渐渐在改变，我们的思想不一样了，我们变得懂事了，我们成熟稳重了。

我希望，唯一不变的，是那你我都珍惜的友情。

小时候，常想，长大有多好，可以自由地做自己想做的事。

长大后，常想，小时候多好，可以无忧无虑快乐的过日子。

应该天真的日子，我们却不懵懂，反而太过懂事。

应该懂事的日子，我们却装傻，反而坏了大事。

我不懂，是我不懂的人情冷暖，还是你们太善良，是你们造就了我的任性，还是我自己自私的放纵。

我以为，我们会变得不一样，但是我们并没有，虽然我们见面少了，但是我们仍然无话不说。

我们有好多好多说不完的话。

我们有好多好多故事分享。

我们有好多好多的事要八卦。

我们有好多好多拍不完的照片。

我们有很多很多好吃的吃不完。

这个还不赖。

(这个呢，照片美罢了，并没有很好吃。）

是回到来的灯光比较好？还是人的心情比较美？

（我知道有很多张啦，可以直接跳过。）

（真的没有重复的，我很佩服我自己咯。）

因为有你们，我很喜欢拍照。

因为有你们，我的世界很美好。

什么时候，我们还会在一起？

我很庆幸有你们陪我走过我的起起落落，

我很珍惜你们不惜劳苦和时间听我废话，

谢谢你们走进我的人生，带给我这么多美好的回忆。

谢谢你们为我的人生故事带来一段又一段美丽的插曲。

懒惰了。就酱吧。

坚持

2010-09-07T01:12:00.002+08:00

就如我常说的，我不知道是我睡不着，还是我执着的不想睡。

又正如我说的，太空闲会让人胡思乱想。

有时候，人生和爱情一样，并不需要太多的坚持。

有人说，迈入感情的第一步就是先学会放下你的高傲和所谓的自尊。

但是如果你的高傲是建设在自我保护的心理上，又有多少人了解你那易碎的玻璃心？

又或者，还没有开始就已经结束。有多少人愿意花时间，心思和精神去摸索你那难以猜透的心理？又有谁懂那是你怕受伤害所反映的举动和行为？

有谁可以明白你那冷漠的外表隐藏着伤痛？

有谁可以猜透你那冰冷的手所期待的温暖？

有谁可以看透那转身所期待的拥抱和安慰？

没有。往往还没到达那个阶段，别人就已经放弃和弃权了。

有人说，只有时间会明白，那份感情的坚韧，只有时间能证明，那份所谓的真心。

时间在流逝，我们能花多少时间在错的人身上？我们又有多大的勇气承受爱情带来的伤害？

有人说，只要你学会坚持，总有一天，你会得到你所期待的。

我觉得，盲目的立场是多余的坚持。

人生也好，爱情也好，愚昧的坚持只会显得自己太另类，盲目的相信只会让自己太天真。不是吗？

身边的人都是双双对对，就连在网上的也是，周围都洋溢着幸福的味道。造就了我莫名的伤感。

我很怕别人一看到我就问我有没有男朋友，这个问题，我不会回答，只会微笑回避。

人家说：付出的努力一定会有回报。那如果你用尽了所有的力气，付出的努力并没有得到相等的／期待的回报，是应该坚持下去还是选择放弃？

如果你选择坚持下去，你能坚持多久？你的信心能负荷多少的批评和冷言冷语？

如果你选择了放弃，未来你敢不敢笃定地说你不后悔？很矛盾。

有谁能确定你的选择是对的？没有。就连自己也无法肯定。因为它没有一个标准，也没有一个肯定的答案。

只有错了，你才发现，这不是一条通往幸福的路。

人生不是一条直路，遇到困难和挫折，应该斩草除根，勇往直前走下去，还是学会转弯，选择另一道比较适合自己的路？

但是你又如何知道那条路，是一个对的选择？

如果转了弯，发现做错了选择，错过了机会，后悔了，又能怎样？并没有后退的路，也无法让世界为你停下脚步。

我承认我很胆小，我并没有多余的勇气去承担爱情漩涡所带来的伤害，我玩不起。

我很怕深陷于这漩涡里，爬不上来。

并不是我不愿意尝试，也不是我将我的心放封锁了，我并没有。

只是，我很卑微，我没有这么多的勇气。

也许，我需要多一点点的时间聚集多一点点的勇气。

也许，我会找到那个给我勇气的人。

但是，可惜，目前，没有。

♥ Home Sweet Home ♥

2010-09-04T01:10:00.002+08:00

actually i got so much to write lah but then i keep on tweeting and plurking and facebooking so I forget what I wanna write. Meanwhile, while I’m typing maybe I’ll get back my inspirations of what I wanna say.*smack forehead*

Okay, err, I’m officially home now. ♥ not that i'm totally in a holiday mood yet,but i’m trying my best to get rid of all the shitty and negative thoughts from my brain and mind so that i could relax myself in abit.*finger-crossed praying hard*

First thing my mum noticed about me is that i’m getting darker(not that i’m fair also), and my skin conditions turned worst. *deepsighhh* what to do?! ‘I dont have fresh fruit juices and yummy healthy homemade dishes and soup everyday like I used to~

I always think that I’m not that kind of people that really got home sick. You know is like how people cry in the middle of the night thinking of going home and being emo all the while thinking about the boyfriends for those who’re having long distance relationship.And counting the days of going home. And feel reluctant to go back to the campus. And feeling grumpy mumpy have to stay in the hostel. Yah. I’m not that kind. But,there are things that I do miss a lot while I’m home.

The soft toys, the teases from my brothers, the nags from the parents, the endless houseworks ( okay this not too much), the chill and relaxing mood, the confidence,the cameras, the beach, the sun, the stars, the awesome ♥ girls. the camwhores and vain pictures. ♥♥ etc. so much more. and also you. ♥

first thing when i reached my room I started to realized that i missed all my hello Kitties so muchh ♥ ♥ ♥ OMG. and my soft toys.. ♥ ♥ ♥ My Minnie Mouse, My Domokun, My Bear. oh yah, and my bed. alot.

and my mum home made fruit juice OMG. ♥ ♥

and being pampered and feed with endless awesome nice food. *life couldnt be better*

and more and more home made dishes coming up.

and eating like there is no tomorrow, feeling guilty of eating too much, yet still eating non stop ♥

Why is there so many chocolates and ice cream in the fridge??!!

Why is the food here are awesome!!? OMG. yao char kueh and soya(best combination ♥), lobak kueh, lok-lok,OMG.

and the soft toysss. and non stop camwhores. ♥ ♥ ♥. cant wait to meet up with the girls and have some bimbo bitchy girls endless talkssss ♥ ♥ ♥

and then, i realized, i missed myself so much. I missed my room so much. I missed my space so much.I feel belonging here. ♥ ♥ ♥

I realized I can never be myself like how when I was home. I can never feel as comfortable and chill relax like when I was home. I can never indulge myself and let the others bear with me like how when I was home.(not that I am,saying only).I can never. How time flies~~

I miss you. I miss all the moments we spent together. I miss all the awesome outings with you. I miss pouring all my shitty emo problems and grumbles to you. I miss being indulged by you. I miss the way how you consoled me. i miss the way how you laughed at my silly jokes/actions. I miss the way how understanding you could be. I miss the way how we are bonded. I miss the beach because of you. I miss the nights watching stars with you. I missed hanging out late with you. I miss how much you could read me without me mentioning it. I miss those moments that we treasured together.I miss how we defined each other as close friends and soulmate but we are not. I miss all these how much. Things could never be same anymore. Let bygones be the bygone. It’s such a weird feeling to remind me about you. It’s out of ordinary.

Okay let’s move on to a brighter side I couldnt afford myself being emo and bring out the negative side of myself.

I miss all the books. I’m gonna pick up all my books and spend time with them . ♥ ♥ ♥

I miss the chill time when I spent my whole Saturday afternoon with chocolates/ice cream , music and a book in hand. *I’m looking forward to this saturday* *planned*

I miss spending time thinking deeply, refreshing my mind, reflecting myself and my life, and so on.

And I brought back all my books but start wondering will I really ever gonna spend time reading them>? Like in the beginning I was so motivating but everyone keep discouraging me and tell me that holiday is to relax and not for studies but I got assignments due date after holiday and test 2 coming up! *hmphh time management *self-noted*

One thing I realized I like/love/miss the most after I get into the university is the beach. ♥ ♥ ♥

Is it life it KL are too hectic or I never learnt to be appreciative when I was here? I really loves beach a lot. I like wearing slippers and shorts and hanging around.I like the feelings that beach is just 5 minutes driving distance from my house(no need traffic light at all). I like the feelings how me and my brother chit chat till middle of the night and drive through to the beach just for McD breakfast. I like the feelings when we step into the white sand in bear feet. I like all these feelings so much. Awwwww…

Okay, I’m so lazy to type dy I got so much more things to write maybe I shall leave it for next time else I got nothing to write in the future since I’m so not talented *low self esteem*

Bye. Going out for supper with dad. OMG . I spell FAT.